3 Things You MUST Change to Stop Bingeing & Emotional Eating

In this episode, I’m breaking down the ONLY three things you need to do to ditch binge eating, stop emotional eating in its tracks, and finally lose weight for good (without another toxic diet ruining your life.) No more calorie counting, no more ‘starting fresh on Monday’ (again), and definitely no more guilt-fueled late-night fridge raids. If you're ready to lose weight without feeling miserable, this is the episode for you!

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Transcript

What is up, you gorgeous, fabulous creatures, and welcome to another episode of the all-new Losing It podcast. You're here with Kylie Pax, Australia's emotional eating coach, and you have landed and arrived in the place where emotional eating and binge eating comes to die. We give it a very, very fond farewell.

There is no sadness at this service to say ta-ta, bitch, to the exact habits and the frustrations we have that have been giving us such hell for so many years. So honey, if you struggle with emotional eating, binge eating, overeating, making lame-ass excuses as to why all of this is totally okay, even though you desperately want to change inside, you are in the right place. So today, I want to share with you something that I am calling the triangle of change.

I felt like I should give it a really fancy name, and I couldn't come up with anything that was more exciting than that. But when I tell you what the triangle of change is, you're still going to pee your pants with excitement because it's pretty fking cool. And it's something that I just came up with as I was writing content over the last week for the girls inside of my bombshell blueprint.

You hear me talk about it all the time. If you want to know more about it, just hit the link in the show notes, because that is the place where we really eliminate emotional eating, binge eating, deal with that shit so that we can actually lose the weight that we've been trying to lose for so many damn years, if only we could stop sabotaging ourselves. So I was writing a new course for the membership, it's called the 90 minute breakthrough.

And part of what I developed for this course, I dubbed the triangle of change. So what I was thinking to myself was, you know, so many of us struggle and we have 1001 moving parts in our life. This is why we find emotional eating, binge eating such a challenge, because there is just so much going on in our lives.

This is an era that we've never had to live through before. Well, we never had to, we never had the opportunity to live through before. We don't know what this is like.

Our ancestors never had to deal with it. We are really trying to adjust fast, as fast as, and we're not struggling, but we're trying to adjust as fast as this fast paced life is changing, like our world is changing. Social media has obviously changed everything.

And something that I heard the other day, that was such a game changer for me, because I thought we are all in such deep despair with our own self judgment, I'm too fat, I don't look as pretty as her. Why does she, why is she so skinny? Why do I struggle? Why does she not struggle? Why is she so pretty? Why am I so ugly? All of this. And I was watching a reel or something, I think on Instagram, and somebody was explaining that human beings were never designed to see our faces this much.

And what she explained was that historically, I mean, back in the day, you would have seen everybody else, but you would never have seen what your face looked like. I mean, the most you would have seen of yourself is if you were going down to the river to wash off the fish that you wanted to eat for dinner, or you were going to wash your fabulous little cave outfits that you were wearing, whatever was going on. That is the most you really would have seen your own reflection and been able to determine what you look like.

But other than that, because that would have been pretty fuzzy at the best of times. Other than that, you wouldn't have actually known what you look like, you would have seen everybody else, but you wouldn't have seen you. So the judgment level would have been almost zero.

But now, then they go ahead and invent mirrors, and damn mirrors, then they go ahead and invent mirrors. And now with social media, the judgment and the comparisonitis is rife. So it makes sense now, why do I feel so much insecurity about the way I look? Because we're just constantly comparing ourselves against everybody else in our surroundings, whether they're actually next door to us, like it would have been back in the 40s, 50s, 60s, or whether they're on a screen and they're living in the other side of the world, a place that I would never actually have to be standing next to this person.

But I still am making myself feel like shit, because I'm not as slim, toned, have abs popping, or as pretty as this other female. So just take this into consideration as we go through what we're going to go through today, because I'm going to give you the opportunity, using the triangle of change, to actually feel like you have a shot at loving yourself again. I know so many of us feel desperate.

And we know that the answer to so many of our problems with eating is loving ourselves, but we literally don't even know where to start. Now, I want to just reaffirm for you that loving yourself isn't learning to love yourself isn't something you need to get. It's something you need to start doing.

I used to think to myself, I know I need to love myself. I know that's the key to stop binge eating. But how do you love yourself? It's not something you need to get and start loving yourself.

You will start loving yourself when you start doing these things that I'm about to share with you today. Now, every single one of us has at least one or more areas in our life that we know, honey, don't even try and bullshit me and tell me that, I don't know, Kylie, I don't know what my areas are. No, you fking know.

We all have at least one or more areas in our life that if we would stop avoiding, stop running and just face these issues, we know it would clean up 99.9% of our emotional eating, binge eating issues. What I mean by that is if you had to pick, now, I've just chosen three because that's what came to me when I was writing this out for the course. I'm thinking, okay, I wanted to come up with four words initially.

And I thought, and if we put them and made them like the size of a square, then we would need to stick within this square. But I really felt like on my heart, like from God sort of, no, make it a triangle. And let me explain to you why.

I came up with three particular words that I knew these are my areas of bullshittery. These are the areas where I make excuses in my life. I'm like always excusing myself and letting myself off the hook.

I am lax and slack, and I am not doing the things that I need to do in these areas. And if I would change just that, my life would be XXL better. And so would my issues with food and my weight and fking relationships and everything, everything would be so much better.

(6:09 - 7:03)

Now, my three words that I chose are integrity, consistency, and follow through. How they relate to me or how they resonate for me is integrity would look like me sticking with the eating codes all of the time, every single day, no matter how I feel about it. It would be like, yep, eating code number one is eat when you're hungry and don't eat when you're not, which means when Karen comes along with that extra cheesy baked fries that she just made fresh for you, that I would be saying, you know what, darling, I actually just ate.

I don't want any. Thank you so much, but I'm going to pass on that because I'm not hungry. If you're hungry, eat them.

But if I wasn't hungry, it would be out of integrity for me to start stuffing my face with those fries. My second word that I came up with is consistency. I mean, I mean, I can start almost anything, but sticking with it consistently, that's some bullshit that I really still struggle with.

(7:04 - 8:14)

So sure, I can start like, as I talk about within the five eating codes, stop the third eating code, which is the magic weight loss code is to stop eating at 80% full. Now, if I do that consistently, I would lose the weight that I want to lose. But as I'm doing it inconsistently, that's some fking bullshit right there.

And I know if I clean that up, it would make a huge difference. The last word that I have come up with, and I know I said to you would follow through, but I'm actually thinking now I'm going to change it. I'm going to change it again.

That's what's so beautiful about this. You change it at the drop of a hat. The last word I'm going to choose is commitment.

For me, commitment, because I can be consistent, but if I'm not committed, or let me put it the other way, I can be, I can be committed. But if I'm not consistent with what I'm committed to, it's going to be bullshit. Or I can be committed.

But if I'm saying if I'm flopping in and out of integrity, flopping, sounds a bit kinky, doesn't it? If I'm stepping in and out of integrity, then my consistency and my commitment means zilch. Now, here is why putting these words inside of a triangle is important. Because as you can imagine, if you imagine a triangle in your head and insert your three words, each one of the sides of the triangle is one of your words.

(8:14 - 8:37)

So integrity is one side, consistency is another side and commitment to the process is my, for me, I'm just thinking about that on the bottom, because it's really the basis for everything. Now, I can, I can flop around, I think we're just going to go with that. I can flop around anywhere inside of the triangle, I can bounce around a little bit of integrity, a little bit of consistency, a little bit of commitment here.

And it's fine. It's pretty comfortable. It's not a big issue.

(8:37 - 14:36)

And I will make progress. But what happens when consistency and integrity meet? What happens at the pointy end of that triangle where those two words meet? It's fking pointy at that end, it's squishy, there's not a lot of room. That is where shit gets uncomfortable.

That's where I really have to make the decision. Am I going to stay in integrity and be consistent with the choices that I said I was committed to doing? Or am I going to make another bullshit excuse, weasel my way out and promise myself that I'll start again tomorrow after I eat these cheesy fries tonight? What am I going to do? Same thing, I could stay in integrity. But when I get down to the place on the triangle where integrity and commitment meet, well, now am I really committed to staying in integrity? Because again, I can just make some bullshit excuses.

But when I'm stuck down there in the pointy end where those two promises meet, I am going to have to make a decision and it's going to be uncomfortable. But that is where I know that if I would stick with my two words in this particular instance, whatever that might end up looking like, if somebody comes over to your house, or you get invited out for dinner, and you hadn't planned on it, you'd made your eating plan for the day, like I talk about eating code number two is follow your plan and not your mood. That would mean let's say you come home from work, and it's been a really bad day at work, it's been shitty, and everything was just shitty.

And you come home and the house looks shitty. And now you're like, I don't care. I just want to get Uber Eats.

And I just want to forget about this whole thing. Well, are you going to stay in integrity and stay committed to what you promised yourself you were going to do? Or are you going to just stuff your face and promise yourself you start again tomorrow? Listen, honey, there are going to be 1001 coaches out there that will talk to you about emotional eating and binge eating. But quite frankly, I find a lot of it to be real garden variety and very vanilla bullshit.

People will tell you things like take a walk around the block when you're feeling your those feelings or go take a hot, warm bath. I'm like, if I can take a hot, warm bath, I don't want to sit in a tub of my own filth, stuck with my own thoughts about how much I hate my body and my life. I'm only going to get out of the tub and eat.

I'll probably bring the food into the tub with me, quite frankly. I would rather give you some practical advice that will solve the problem permanently, rather than glossing it over with some icing that's going to be a short term fix. And I use the term fix lightly because it's really not going to fix a fking thing.

So these tips that I give you in these episodes are going to be the game changers that you've been looking for if you commit, stay in integrity and get consistent with them. But honeys, if you find this useful, please, as always, go ahead, like, love and share with the bestie because that is how we're going to get the word out. And if you find them really super useful, then I would love it if you would leave a review.

That would mean so much for me and for the entire community to be able to help and spread this word to more women so that we can stop this bullshit that we talk about all day, every day, hiding and eating in secret, feeling like shit about ourselves, binging and purging, promising ourselves we're going to start tomorrow. Meanwhile, 30 years of my life went by and I kept promising myself I would start tomorrow. Well, as they famously quote, tomorrow never arrives, but you know what did arrive? 30 years of my life went by.

30 years. Let me just leave you with this one little thought before I go. If somebody said to me, honey, you could live 30 years longer in good health, and it will be amazing, an extra 30 years on your life and you will be feeling great, looking great, you'll be able to play with children and grandchildren and you'll see, you know, incredible things and live an amazing life.

You can have 30 extra years. Would you say yes or no? Because quite frankly, I gave up 30 years of my life. If you asked me, what did you do in those 30 years when you were struggling so badly with your weight and your food and your eating? But I don't know.

All I thought about every single day, every waking minute that I was awake and I would even dream about it was food. How to get food, how to get what I wanted to eat, how to avoid eating those things that I wanted to eat and how to lose weight the quickest. That was 30 years of my life.

I wasn't really achieving anything. I was going through the motions. That whole time was just a haze to me.

I wouldn't go out to eat because I was scared of getting fat. I was just lost in a boogie wonderland of wishes and hopes and dreams and false promises to myself. If somebody had shared with me what I'm sharing with you today, and explained to me that if I would just take three small steps and stick with them, no matter how I felt at that time, that uncomfortable feeling that you feel when you really want the M&M's, but you know that you didn't plan for them, it's not on your eating code list for today and it's just not what you were planning.

If you just stick through it, see it through, say no to yourself is what I mean. Don't eat the M&M's. Saying no to yourself just this one time will give you so much pride.

I swear, when I would say no to food, I felt like I just solved cancer. I felt that proud of myself. That's how proud I felt.

And all I had done was say no to something that I previously thought was impossible for me to do. So honeys, it's time for you to step up and start proving to yourself that you are so much more and you have so much more to offer than just being stuck in this boogie wonderland of thinking about food, obsessing about food, and trying to lose weight all day, every day of your life. If that sounds like you, you need to come on over and join us inside of the Bombshell Blueprint because we are going to solve that problem once and for all with over 200 recipes, entire modules dedicated to binge eating, overcoming cravings, dealing with all of this shit that we deal with every day so that you can finally lose the damn weight that you want to lose and get on with living your best life.

(14:37 - 15:01)

I am sending you tremendous amounts of love. I will see you again next week. Until then, gorgeous ones, bye for now.

Thank you so much for tuning in. Remember to shimmy your butt over to KyliePax.com and join me inside of the Bombshell Blueprint so you can stop emotional eating and start losing your weight now. You'll also find helpful notes and resources inside my past podcasts that will help you lose your weight without losing your sanity.

I will see you next week.