What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Thinner

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Transcript

What is up, you gorgeous, fabulous creatures, and welcome to another week of the Losing It podcast. You're here with Kylie Pax, Australia's emotional eating coach. And if you are loving these episodes, finding them useful, helpful, or even mildly entertaining, please go ahead and remember to share with the bestie and subscribe, because that is how we're going to empower more women around the world to end the battle with food.

And speaking of the battle with damn food, we are talking today about the fact that what doesn't kill you makes you thinner and a hell of a lot stronger. So today we are going to be reclaiming our power because I want you to take a frigging mental step back and realize that you have survived much harder things than skipping a 10 p.m. chocolate binge. I'm going to help you today just really ignite that emotional clarity, start building some damn self-trust, and let you see that you have overcome much, much harder things in your life than this issue that we think is our whole world, which is emotional eating.

(0:56 - 5:18)

So babe, I would honestly say that if chocolate had a voice, it would probably say that you need me to feel better. You need me. You can't do this on your own.

You can't do life without me. But the truth is, honey, you've already survived way worse and you didn't need a KitKat then either. So honey, when I say what doesn't kill you makes you thinner, it has always been not about your weight, but about your self-worth.

Have a think about the things that you've already survived in your life. And if you want to hear a story, because listen, baby, everybody's got their story. And today I'm going to give you a little bit of an insight into mine.

Some of you may have heard some parts of this, but I guarantee none of you have heard all of this. Because you might think that you can't stop eating at night. Sis, please, I have stared down the peril of heartbreak, disease, destruction, and I am still here living to tell the tale.

So if you want to know about some spooky shit, then grab a seat, grab yourself some fat free popcorn, because I am going to let you behind the doors of as much shit as I feel is probably you're able to cope with in today's episode. So let's just dive right on in. I had a, I always say that I had like a fairy tale upbringing.

It was like a Disney movie. My parents were amazing and they were, it was great. The family life in and of itself was beautiful.

And I was very lucky and very blessed. And also, nobody's story is without skeletons in their closet. There was some shit going on that my parents still don't know about.

My mom's here. My mom's not here. Sorry.

My mom's not here. So, so that's easy to hide it from her. And my dad will never hear about this episode.

So it's okay. But I was assaulted between the ages of sexually assaulted between the ages of 10 to 17. There were two of them.

They were brothers. Now I started binge eating around the age of 10. And it's no surprise why it was a coping mechanism.

I didn't realize that at the time. It's very clear to see now when you write this shit down on paper. Oh, shocking.

Now I see the connection, but I never realized that before. So at 17, I was actually raped by one of their best friends. I blamed myself.

I blamed myself because I was at a party and I tried alcohol for the first time. I didn't tell a soul. I kept it quiet for about 30 years before I even uttered a peep.

And of course, the binge eating escalated at that around that time. So then in my mid 20s, I was diagnosed with lupus. And the doctor told me back then I was going to be in a wheelchair by Christmas time.

I refused to let that be how my story ended. I was divorced in my early 40s and in financial ruin by 43. I thought my world was ending.

And by 45, I was clinically depressed and suffering from horrendous anxiety. I couldn't leave the house. I couldn't do anything.

But I want you to get it. I was thinking of unaliving myself. In fact, it's all I thought about.

I thought about it day and night. I thought about the ways that I would do it. It was the similar thoughts that I'd had when I was diagnosed with lupus and just trying to put some clothes on my back or take clothes back off again was horrendously painful.

I couldn't turn on a tap. I couldn't dress myself. Walking down the hallway just was unbelievably painful.

Like I would just cry and cry because every tiny little bone in my feet hurt. It was inflamed and in agony. And be clear, there are hundreds of bones in your feet.

So the pain was more than I could stand. And I'd been through this several times in my life with the sexual assault, with the lupus, with the divorce. This was not unfamiliar to me.

But nonetheless, it didn't mean that I was feeling like I was going to be able to fight this and this would be amazing. And look at me, I would just rise like a fucking phoenix from the ashes. That was never the case.

So here we are, now I hit 46 and I realized this is something I can handle. This is something I can do. Who the fuck do I think I am? I'm fucking amazing.

I'm a child of God. I can overcome anything that I set my mind to. I rebirthed my business.

I rebirthed my personal relationship with myself. Phil and I then got engaged. I start thriving mentally, physically.

(5:19 - 6:38)

I become the strongest version of me. We bought our dream home by the beach, brand new vehicles. Everything was fantastic.

And then challenge number 1 billion in my life decided to arrive. There was a person in our lives, when I say our, mine and Phil, who didn't want Phil, but also didn't want me to have Phil. I was just constantly harassed electronically and in person.

It was the worst two years of my life. Every time I saw a text message come through, and yes, I did block the individual eventually, but they found other ways to get to me. Every time a text message came through, or I heard a knock at the door, I was terrified.

We had security cameras installed because of this person. Because be clear, in all these situations that I give you, each four of these major challenges, they were situations and circumstances that I did not control. I couldn't fix a sexual assault.

I couldn't fix lupus. I couldn't fix a divorce when somebody wants it. And I couldn't stop this other person.

Now, I want you to understand because I know you've been through situations very similar. And I don't mean similar in nature. I mean, emotionally similar, heartbreaking, backbreaking, spirit breaking.

(6:38 - 7:25)

You've been through situations like this in your life multiple times, not just once, multiple times. And that's the beauty of the longer we live and people go, what a gift. It's such a gift to keep growing old and getting older, right? Yeah, it is.

There's also an equal fucking amount of pain that comes with it. I had to step up and remind myself, I have survived harder shit than this. And that is what I want you to do today as well.

You are not going to get the okay from me for you to sit back and feel sorry for yourself because you feel like you can't control yourself around food. I want you to tap into that version of you who never needed food to cope with in the first place. Babe, you have survived harder things than feeling a little bit hungry at 10pm before you go to bed.

(7:26 - 7:44)

So let's run through the three phases that I had to tick off in order to, yes, overcome the challenges in my life, but equally use this same shit with food. This is how I was able to lose 20 kilos and keep it off. You start, girlfriend, you have to start by remembering who the fuck you are.

(7:45 - 8:36)

I will not let Satan mess with me not one more day. Not fucking today. Your brain has been tricked into thinking right now that chocolate is the solution for your problems.

Cheese platters, chippies, chips and dips. Really? Really. You've survived trauma, grief, sickness, single parenting, toxic jobs, friend breakups.

No, honey, I don't think so. You don't get to sit back and play the victim today. You may be the victim in a situation, but you don't sure as fuck don't have to act like it.

Oh, no, not on my watch. Start thinking about things like this. I'm going to give you three, a journal prompt for each one of these steps that we're going to go through.

And so for this one, I want you to ask yourself, really have a think about it. What have you overcome in your life that a Tim Tam could never fix? Because there's something out there. I had to overcome the lupus.

(8:36 - 11:35)

I had to overcome the breakup with my marriage. I had to overcome all of this shit. And chocolate, even if I chose to ate it, was never going to make it better.

In fact, it just would have made the situation worse because mentally, emotionally and physically, I now also would have felt even more like shit than I already did. So step one, babe, you've got to remind yourself who the fuck you are and don't let anybody mess with you or tell you otherwise. Do whatever it takes to remind yourself.

For me, very often that's music. Very often. Find some empowering songs.

Find what you know works for you. Put your little air pods in and go for a damn walk, blasting that shit into your ears. Get the spirit back in you.

You know who you are. You know what you're here to do and who you were born to be. And it is not a pathetic little whining female who needs someone or someone else to solve their problems and give them a solution.

You know the solution here, especially with food. You know what it is and you are powerful enough to take the next step. The second phase or the second thing that I had to do was reclaim my identity.

I used to run around telling people all the time with that female that was harassing me in the last couple of years. I say, she broke me. She broke me.

You are not broken. You're battle tested, yes, but you're not broken. Watch your words more than you're watching anything else.

Your words tell your brain who you are. So you need to, if you feel you're broken, that's fine. You may have even said it once or twice, but let's start tricking ourselves now by using what I call eating code number five, which is act like the person you want to become and you've got to start fooling yourself.

Fake it till you make it, honey. Do whatever the fuck you have to do. I don't care, but you've got to remind yourself that you are powerful.

You are strong and you are capable. You don't need willpower at this point to deal with your situations with food. You need clarity.

You need to remember who the fuck you are. So if you want a general prompt to help you with this phase, then ask yourself, what would the you who's already healed, she doesn't have these issues, these other dramas, the things, the crappy boss, the fights at work, the whatever is going on. She doesn't have that.

She's got none of that because she knows who the hell she is. She knows how powerful she is. What would she choose to do right now? Would she stuff her face with donuts or would she be like, please, how pathetic, how embarrassing for me that I was even thinking about that.

Oh my God, I'm so amazing. Why the hell would I do that? What would she choose to do, be and say right now and eat? What would she choose? What would And the third phase that I had to go through to really rise from all this fucking drama and trauma that we have to go through in our lives. And it's fabulous.

It's great. Yes, whatever doesn't kill you makes you thinner. But man, it's hard along the way.

I had to redefine what that fight meant in my head. Your real battle isn't with food. It's believing that that's where your story ends.

(11:35 - 12:13)

You think this is where the story ends for you. Oh, this is it with food. This is just how it's going to be for me.

No, it isn't. Again, how embarrassing for you to even think that way. Let the fight be for your future, not with your damn plate.

Start getting very clear on who it is that you want to be. And if you haven't got my bombshell journals yet and the planner so that you can get complete clarity around what that 10X version of you does, who she is, how she looks, what choices she makes each day, why she even cares about that shit to start with. If you want someone to hold your hand and keep you accountable, you need that journal in your life.

(12:13 - 15:09)

So you can get that inside of the bombshell blueprint. Just click the link in the show notes or head over to KyliePax.com forward slash blueprint because that's where it's all living. But another quick, really easy prompt that you can use today to help give yourself clarity around that is what if every time you actually wanted to eat emotionally, out of frustration, out of annoyance, out of just maybe even happiness, but you know that you really don't need that right now, what if it was actually a sign to act like the woman that you are supposed to be? Stand in the shoes of the woman that you were put here to be.

Start remembering what your superpower is and why what you've got to say and who you are is fucking important in this life. There are people who need you in this world. There are people who rely on you.

And I'm not even necessarily talking about children. Anybody who has a social profile these days is being watched by somebody. You're an example for someone somewhere and it's time for you to pull your socks up, honey.

Look, you don't need another meal plan. You need somebody to remind you that you are a powerful, strong-ass bombshell and it's time for you to come home to yourself and fucking remember that. Babe, life didn't break you.

And if that chocolate bar is still calling your name, just tell it you've got better things to answer to because that is no longer going to be your vibe. So I want to leave you today with a final journal prompt, just something that I was thinking about this morning. There's always ways for you to make this work.

So whether you're using my free course and getting the eating codes that way or whether you've got the entire blueprint and you're with me inside of the bombshell blueprint, just have a think. What would need to happen for you today in order for you to start building a relationship with yourself instead of avoiding one by using food? What would need to happen for you to start building that relationship with yourself each day, whatever that might look like, rather than avoiding a relationship with yourself by using food to just shut down, shut out, whatever, whatever the challenges are in your life. I would just want you to hear what I went through today, knowing that I went through these things and still came out the other side.

It didn't break me. Didn't break me. I went through three specific phases to remember who the fuck I am, reclaim my identity and redefine the way I saw the trauma and the dramas that I went through.

That's what enabled me to change my story and tell myself that this will not be how my story ends, not with food or not with anything in my life. My darlings, as always, I'm sending you tremendous amounts of love. And if you found today useful, helpful, or even mildly entertaining, please go ahead, like, love and share.

And remember to subscribe. And I cannot wait to see you all again next week. Until then, gorgeous ones, bye for now.

Thank you so much for tuning in. Remember to shimmy your butt over to KyliePax.com and join me inside of the bombshell blueprint so you can stop emotional eating and start losing your way now. You'll also find helpful notes and resources inside my past podcast that will help you lose your way without losing your sanity.

I will see you next week.