Emotional Eating Isn’t Your Problem. Forgetting Who You Are Is.

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Transcript

What is up, you gorgeous, fabulous creatures, and welcome to another episode of the Losing It podcast. You're here with Kylie Pax, Australia's emotional eating coach, and we are sliding on into another fabulous episode this week. But I do want to thank everybody and all our new listeners who have been liking, loving, and sharing this podcast.

Please remember to subscribe because that is how we are going to spread this message and empower more females around the world. Why do we give a shit about that? Because we deserve better than being missing our whole fucking lives and being so absorbed and self-absorbed with our bodies and this relationship with food. And on that note, today we're going to be talking about how emotional eating is not your fucking problem.

(0:39 - 0:55)

You're like, what are you even talking about, girl? Of course, emotional eating is my problem. That's why I'm listening. No, honey.

No, no. Your problem is that you've forgotten how fucking strong and powerful and what a damn diva that you are. And I mean that in the best possible way.

(0:55 - 1:14)

So today we're going to break down and repurpose some of the challenges that you've been through in your lives. And I'm going to use some psychological tips, tools, and tricks that I have up my little sleeves and that I've used in my life to overcome the dramas with food, because you've overcome some really hard battles in your life. Don't tell me that you haven't.

(1:15 - 1:29)

And I'm going to show you how to apply the same principles that you use to overcome those. And I'm talking serious shit. We touched on this a little bit in the last episode, things like divorce, loss of a child or a loved one or parent, major, major, major fucking things.

(1:30 - 5:33)

And, you know, something that I did forget to mention about myself when I went through my little toolbox of misery in the last episode, I forgot to tell you all how I was in a cult, got dragged into a cult. I mean, the bizarre and freaky shit that happens in my world is like record breaking. I tell you, if you want to know someone who's had a bit of a hard run, but still comes out on top because they know how to get their shit together in food and with everything else, you're listening to her right now.

So let's get started. Now we're going to touch on a little bit of cognitive science today as the foundation of what we're talking about, because I love a good bulletproof theory. I'm not really interested in sit there and hum to yourself or chant three times and do the um, and then you're going to feel amazing because you've got the vibrations going in your body.

I'm like, yeah, I mean, maybe I can chant if you tell me to, but I want to know why it fucking works. You better be able to back that shit up with some science. So cognitive science is going to be the foundation of everything we're talking about today because your brain really does hold the answers for everything that you need to overcome your challenges with food.

Now, this is something I talked about today a little bit in the hour long masterclass that we do. Actually, it wasn't an hour today. We try and keep them short, sharp and shiny, but we run a live call every week inside of my bombshell blueprint.

So you can get all your questions answered. You can have private one-on-one coaching. And I also give you a lesson plan each week.

And we were talking about things very similar to this, that there is something in your brain, which is called episodic memory. And if you just break it down and think about it, it kind of is self-explanatory. We have been through many specific episodes in our lives and our brain creates specific memories and attaches them to that.

So we all have what we like to call, what we don't like to call it. It's called your reticular activating system, the RAS. It lives at the back of your brain.

It's like a shiny, glittery hairnet and it lives at the back of your brain. Your RAS is what they call it for short. That is what determines what you pay attention to and what you sort of block out in your life.

So if you think about it, there is probably 10 billion pieces of information that are going on around you right now as you're listening to this, but you're not noticing any of it because you are zoned in and listening to only this, but also your RAS is blocking out 99.9% of your surroundings. Now, why does it do that? Because if it didn't, you would die from sensory overload. It's a protective device.

If I really sat here and thought about it, there I can probably hear air conditioning humming, the dog barking down the other end, maybe some birds outside, a fly buzzing around. There is shit going on that we don't even need to pay attention. We don't pay attention to it.

We don't need to pay attention to it because it's not relevant right now. However, if one of those dogs that was barking suddenly came flying out around the corner, barking at me, my RAS would unblock that little channel and let me know real fast, you need to pay attention to this because there's certain things your RAS will always let through its sort of screening process. One of them is the sound of your name being called.

So that's very important. Another one is an opportunity for sex, which, you know, men are on high fucking alert for that. Another one is anything that could be a threat or danger to your life.

And the last one, oh my God, I forgot. Anything that you think is important or you're currently focused on. So that is why the best example I always think about is whenever we've gone to buy a new car, most of us at some point in our lives have tried to buy a new car and you've decided on your car, you've done your research, okay, I'm going to get a, I don't know, smack something up.

I'm going to get a red Range Rover. That's what you're going to get. Now, you might not have even noticed red Range Rovers on the street before and on the road, but the minute you decide that you're going to get one, suddenly your RAS lets that through your filtering system and you see them everywhere.

(5:34 - 7:56)

Do you suddenly think everybody's buying red Range Rovers? No, they were always fucking there, but you were not seeing them before because they were not relevant. So just in the same way that your brain does this with cars or anything else that you're focused on, girl, it's also doing it 24 seven with food. The more you think about food, the more you notice food.

The more you think, I need, and listen, I'm not talking about, oh, food, how lovely it is. No, no, no. It works in reverse.

It works when you don't want it to work. The more you think, I better not eat that. I shouldn't eat that.

Why do I keep feeling like I want to eat that? The more you're going to notice all the things that you want to eat, even though you desperately don't want to. So let's circle back and think about what scientists call your resilience script. Now, if you did listen to last week's episode, you'll know, yes, your girl's been through a lot of shit in her life, a lot of scary, spooky shit, including the cold.

But because of those episodes, I have now created a really strong resilience script, which you often forget that you have when you are feeling emotional or overwhelmed or stressed out or anxious. So I'm going to show you today how to pull up those scripts and break them down so that you can now recode them for this food battle that you feel like you have each day. So babe, one of the things that I always tell women is that we think food is the problem.

I just can't control myself around food. Don't bring that food in the house. Food is not the problem.

Everybody say it with me. Food is not the problem. The problem is that you think right now you're not strong enough to handle your life or cope with your daily situations without it.

It's all you've got. It's the way you relax. It's the way you celebrate.

It's the way you wind down. It's the way you wind yourself up. It is everything to you right now.

And you don't know how to handle your day-to-day life and problems and stresses without it. Now, I'm not talking about the meals that we need to eat. I'm talking about the emotional eating, the overeating, the binge eating, all of that.

When it becomes your coping mechanism for everyday life, and yeah, you might be thinking right now, well, Kylie, my everyday life is really stressful. Well, welcome to the fucking club, honey. It's stressful for all of us.

(7:56 - 8:08)

Like I said, you want to go listen to last week's episode? I was sexually assaulted between the ages of 10 to 17. I was diagnosed with lupus in my mid-20s and told I'd be in a wheelchair. I suffered severe depression, divorce, told I was going to lose everything and be living in my car.

(8:09 - 16:54)

Then there was the cult. Then I had this woman who was doing crazy shit to me, crazy, crazy shit, like real stalker-ish shit. And that ended up in court.

It was horrendous, horrendous. So yes, had a few stressful situations myself, not even to mention the death of family and loved one, nursing my mother all the way to her death through this really rare form of cancer that, you know, there's no, there's no cures for. Crazy stuff.

But at the same time, that crazy stuff is probably your story as well, or the next woman's or the next woman's. We all have something similar or the same. At least it affects our bodies emotionally the same.

The story that you are not using right now is, well, the story you are using right now is, I can't take anymore, because this is what I was saying. This is breaking me. This will break me.

I can't take this anymore. But the story that you're not using, the one that you're not harnessing the power of is, if I can survive that shit, I can survive anything. If I can survive that shit, then please, what is a craving to me? It's nothing.

It's like embarrassing. It's like a fly or an insect that's trying to bug me. I mean, really.

You now get to teach yourself about cognitive reframing. So just the same way that you can flip a coin, you're going to see still a coin, but you're viewing it from an entirely different angle. The same way in how you choose to think about the things that have happened to you in your life and the way that you responded to those things in your life will shape how you respond to all stressors now.

So if I, in my life, had eaten my way through all of those stressors, then I would continue to eat my way through any stressor. Why? Because the way you do anything is the way you do everything. What I really want you to remember here is that your thoughts, although it doesn't feel like it at the time, I get it and I know that, but your thoughts are optional.

They are. They're not something that's bestowed upon you and you cannot do anything about it. Like your, well, and even I was going to say, your looks or the way genetically that you were born.

And we can do things about that, but your thoughts are as optional as you wanting to have a nose job or a, I don't know, brow lift, some Botox. It's all optional. You get to change the things that do not work for you right now.

So whatever meaning that you're attaching to your current situation, you get to rewrite it. You get to change the story because you've already felt deep, deep amounts in your life of grief, pain, betrayal, toxic relationships, toxic workplaces, and you're still here. You still live to tell the tale.

So why, why the fuck do you think that you can't now handle an emotion, a simple emotion, like boredom or loneliness or upset without a bowl of ice cream in front of you? That's not a thing, honey. It is literally not a thing. It's something you're making up in your head and you get to change that script now.

So one of the main things I want to remind you of today, and it's something that we often talk about inside of my Bombshell Blueprint membership, is that emotions only last 90 seconds in your body. Now, hear me out before you think that is such bullshit. She doesn't know what she's talking about.

I felt sadness for longer than 90 seconds. I felt stress, anxiety, depression. Yes, yes, I'm not saying that isn't true.

I'm going to tell you why that is true and that in actuality, your emotion has a 90-second lifespan. So right now, the emotional eating that you're engaging in is often the result of you thinking that you can't handle that emotion. This emotion is too much for me.

This is too uncomfortable. And sometimes the emotion doesn't even have to be sadness or upset or stress. The emotion can just be a craving.

I feel a craving for that cheesecake. I don't need it, don't need it. Oh my God, just please get that away from me and don't let me eat it.

But you don't get the thought out of your head. And finally, you eat the damn cheesecake just to shut the craving up. So I want to remind you today that every emotion that you have, including cravings, peak and fall just like the waves on the ocean.

The average emotion, like I say, lasts 90 seconds if you don't continue to fuel it with your bullshit stories. This is too much for me. I can't take it.

This is going to break me. Or I'll start tomorrow. This is, let me just... You will say anything to yourself to alleviate the pressure of that emotion.

But what if you reminded yourself instead of eating over it, what if you reminded yourself, this emotion will be gone in 90 seconds, what the fuck? As if I give a shit, like as if I'm going to ruin my whole weight loss and the progress that I've made all day and all this week because I'm feeling a little something, something right now. And I've been through divorce and disaster and breakups and births and wonderful things as well as it doesn't all have to be disaster, but you've been through so many challenges and you've risen to the occasion. You've come out the other side and tell me now you can't say no to a chocolate, you can't say no to chips, cake, cheese, please.

That is so embarrassing. You are ready now to start shifting your identity because that's when you're going to start making different choices. When you start to see yourself as the woman who is strong and does make bold choices, that's when you'll start carrying those actions out.

You know how to listen to your body. You know how to practice discipline in challenging situations. You know how to do these things.

You've done them a thousand times before, but you think or you're fooling yourself right now to tell yourself the story that it doesn't really matter who's going to impact, just one more time won't hurt. It all hurts. You know who it hurts? The most important person of all, you.

Obviously. Please, who's more important than you? And you know this is not about being perfect. I don't go into the perfect camp.

That is not a place I want to hang out. It's just purely about you waking up to the fact that you are not powerless. Right now, you're not even focused on getting things perfect because you're so caught up in the fact that you think you don't have any power at all.

But really, take a second today to think back about the hard things that you really have overcome in your life, the challenges that you have overcome successfully. And even if you didn't overcome them, what you would consider successfully, you're still here to tell the tale. It's pretty fucking successful to me.

So I really want to encourage you today to remember who the fuck you are. You are strong. You are brave.

You are not a woman who caves in every second to a piece of bread. There is a version of you. When I talk about my five eating codes and eating code number five is act like the person you want to become.

When I talk about this, there is a version of you who has everything that you believe that you don't have right now. She looks the way that you want to look. She eats the way that you desire to eat.

She has the friends. She has the life. She has all the things.

She is real somewhere. I believe somewhere out there. She exists.

But in order for you to draw her into her life, well, guess what, Sunshine? You're going to have to start showing up as if you think that that's even fucking possible. And how would that happen? By you starting to integrate her habits into your life right now. You would get up at the time that she would get up.

You would make the choices she would make. You would be in bed by the time she would damn well be in bed. You would not be up all night surfing and watching Netflix and just streaming shit and eating M&Ms.

That is not what she does. That super hot version of you who's got her shit together with food and she's got the great body that you desire to have right now. What does she do each day? How long does she do it for? Does she walk each day? Because you might have unrealistic thoughts like she goes to the gym and I can't go to the gym.

If you can't go to the gym or don't want to go to the gym, she probably doesn't go to the gym either because she's fucking you. Let's not get it twisted. I've tried to be the gym bunny multiple times in my life.

I'm just not a gym girl. It's not who I am. I much prefer either working out at home or walking.

And even though I feel like the gym would be such a great place for me to build some muscle and that type of thing, I don't know. It just gives me major stress and anxiety and I don't love it. And so if it's not peaceful to you, if it doesn't bring you peace and joy, then it's going to give you cortisol and it's going to increase your fat storage.

And so what the fuck is the point of doing it? I have chosen activities that feel good to me because that's what my ideal version of me would do. She would be doing things that feel good to her and because they feel good, she'd get results because she actually wants to do them. I dreaded the gym each day, but I want to go for a walk.

(16:54 - 17:43)

That's when Miss Molly and I get to go for a walk. We have a lovely time. She barks at everything that moves and possibly things that don't.

We have a really nice time. I enjoy it. So that would definitely be something that my ideal version of me would do.

And then you can look at also other personal characteristics. My ideal version of me, she's not shy. She doesn't feel like shit about herself.

She's not up herself, but also she's confident in her value, what she brings to the in any relationship, whether that be with a romantic partner, whether that be in the workplace, whether that be online with the people that you interact with, she knows who the fuck she is and what she's got to offer. So these are things that I step into now because I want what she's got. So in order to get it, I've got to start pretending like I am that fucking person now.

(17:43 - 19:08)

So think to yourself babe today, what is one of the challenges that you've overcome in your life? Something that you thought was going to break you, but you're still here to tell the tale. Be really raw and real about that. And honest, don't like gloss over it because there are times in your life that you didn't think you would make it through, but you did.

And what can you take away from those moments? What were you doing then to get through those times that you're not doing now and applying the same shit to your relationship with food? Wherever you find the discrepancy is the next change you need to make. So my loves, as always, if you want to come join us inside of Bombshell Blueprint, just hit the link in the show notes or head on over to kyliepaxe.com forward slash blueprint. And that is where you're going to find us, or you can just grab the free course, also link in show notes.

I'm sending you tremendous amounts of love as always. Please remember the only person who has the power to change your life is you. And when you step up and realize that you've had the power all along, my dear, just like Glinda says, that truly is when you've got what it takes.

Thank you again. I can't wait to see you again next week until then gorgeous ones. Bye for now.

Thank you so much for tuning in. Remember to shimmy your butt over to kyliepaxe.com and join me inside of the Bombshell Blueprint so you can stop emotional eating and start losing your way now. You'll also find helpful notes and resources inside my past podcast that will help you lose your weight without losing your sanity.

I will see you next week.