How the Top 0.1% of Women Stop Emotional Eating

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Transcript

What is up, you gorgeous, fabulous creatures? Welcome to another week of the Losing It Podcast. You're here with Kylie Pax, you know who you're with, Australia's emotional eating coach. Girl, this is the place where we come and hang out to stop our emotional eating dramas, stop the binge eating, stop the damn excuses, and start losing weight for life.

(0:18 - 6:36)

So, I'm going to share something with you today. I've just wrapped up a live masterclass inside of my Bombshell Blueprint membership, and it was phenomenal. And in fact, it was so good that I thought I need to share some portion of this with you, because it would just be so selfish for me to keep this entirely just within the membership.

So, honeys, if you want to purchase the full membership, you can, of course, do that. The link is in the show notes if you want to join us inside of the Bombshell Blueprint. Or this class specifically, I'm giving you access to this on its own, because it's so powerful.

It really is the self-sabotage solution that you have been searching for. So, it's now almost two and a half hours of life-changing content. I lay it out for you step by step exactly how to upgrade your operating system so that you can end the battle with food.

And I'm going to go through a couple of things with you today, because there is something that the top like 0.1% of women are doing, the ones who actually win at life, they don't emotionally eat. They have the life of their dreams, the family of their dreams, like they have the partnership of their dreams, the business, whatever it is that you want. This is not just restricted to emotional eating.

This applies to your life overall. This is overarching across the board. There is things that these women are doing that you currently are not.

Now, one of the things I've been talking about lately a lot is asking people what operating system are they using? Because just in the same way that you have to upgrade your iPhone, well, I've only got an iPhone, but I'm sure it's the same with your Android, you have to update your phone with new software periodically. Otherwise, eventually, it's not going to work. The functionality will become so janky that it will just be impossible and quite frankly, just a useless piece of garbage.

So I'm asking you, what operating system are you using in your own life for yourself? Because if you haven't upgraded your operating system in quite some time, you are probably on like OS, I don't know, two, three, you're operating on a system that is so far outdated, it is embarrassing and also it would explain why you are still struggling with food. So there are reasons why most emotional eating solutions don't work. When you go out there and you're Googling for a coach and you're looking for a weight loss plan, there are reasons why it doesn't work.

And the main one is, well, I should say it won't work for emotional eaters. The main reason is because, honey, they focus on behavior like food, calories, meal plans, they're focusing on the behavior, not the internal operating system that drives those behaviors. That's your identity.

The real game changer here is always going to be identity, your emotional processing and your decision models and your self-concept. The way you see yourself governs every single decision that you make. So if you're going to step into the role or the identity of a woman who simply doesn't have issues with food, first thing, I mean, I'm talking about dropping the goal-oriented thinking, which is what happens anytime you sign up with a coach, like, ooh, how much do you weigh? And how much do you want to weigh? And you focus, all you two do is focus on your goal.

But nobody, nobody is focusing on the identity that's driving the behaviors behind you being able to reach those goals. Whether you reach them or not is entirely dependent upon how you see yourself and who you believe yourself to be. So if you want to update that operating system, the first thing you have to do is switch to identity-first thinking rather than goal-first thinking.

Most women out there will say, well, I just want to stop emotional eating. That's just what I want to do. I want to stop emotional eating and I want to lose weight.

But the real winners in life, those women, they operate from a, I am a woman who, like, wouldn't even think about emotional eating. It's just not who I am. I'm a woman who easily makes nourishing, beautiful, soul-led food decisions.

I always look after myself. I do my show. I do the Pilates.

I do whatever I do. Why they win is because their identity is governing their behavior. It's the neuroscience behind your self-concept.

When you decide that this is who you are and you let that knowledge drive your decision-making process rather than out of desperation of I just need to reach this particular goal by a certain date, that's when the real changes start happening. I'm talking the changes that actually last a lifetime. One of the next things that these women do is they view their choices through their temporal lens.

So an average mindset would think, well, how do I feel right now? I feel depressed, sad, mad. I just want to feel glad. Let me eat some chocolate.

That's what I'm going to do. Let me drink some wine, have some takeaway, order Uber, and then I'm going to feel better. Whereas the women who delete emotional eating entirely from their operating system, they make their choices through the temporal lens as in how will this decision compound over the next six months.

They're zooming out and they're thinking in trajectories rather than single isolated incidents. Right now, you are living moment to moment, second to second, decision to decision. Like I feel scared.

I feel upset. I feel anxious. I have anxiety, and now I'm just going to eat and drink.

But the winners, the women who really, really overcome this and it is no longer an issue in their life, they are thinking so far beyond that precise single moment that it's embarrassing for the rest of us. They're thinking in trajectories and that is what is building their long-term success. Rather than thinking I just want to escape this pain right now, they're thinking I do want to escape this pain right now, but when I make this particular decision here, as in stuffing my face with donuts, what trajectory is that going to set me on? Which builds perfectly into my next point, which is metacognition.

(6:36 - 7:42)

My loves, you need to be able to think about what you're thinking about or notice what you're noticing. When you can look through the lens of metacognition, which is basically you're looking on a much larger scale, these women who don't have issues anymore with emotional eating, they're not just doing something. They're not just making a random decision and stuffing bickies in their mouth.

They're watching themselves stuff the bickies in. No, they're probably not. I'm sure they're not stuffing them in anymore.

So, think about it this way. A lot of women talk about blackout eating, which was something I talk about quite frequently. Blackout eating is where they say, I just don't know what happened.

Suddenly, I just ate a whole bag of Doritos and there was only crumbs left around me. Well, it may feel that way, but it's not true. What happened was they ran off with the pixies in their mind and they stopped using metacognition.

They stopped seeing what they were seeing. They stopped noticing what they were doing. They stopped paying attention to themselves and they went so far away in their mind that they were eating without realizing or paying attention to what they were eating.

(7:42 - 8:05)

We all have this metacognitive ability. We can all notice ourselves noticing things. We can all think about what we're thinking about.

It's an ability that we have that separates us from the animals. That is why dogs will just run out in the street and chase a car because they don't have the capacity to analyze their decisions before taking action on them, but we do. You can.

(8:05 - 12:21)

So, one of the examples I gave in today's class was when I was getting divorced from my former husband was that we were stuck in the same house for 12 months living together while we liquidated assets and I said that while we were in that position there was a few arguments, you know, shooting to and fro and at one point I remember we were standing in the kitchen and I was holding a frying pan. I don't know what I was doing because I don't cook very well, so I don't know. I'm sure I wasn't cooking.

I was maybe just putting it away and he was jabbering on about something and he was, I don't know, he was raising his voice and I thought to myself, I just want to smash you over the head with this frying pan. Now, did I smash the man in the head with the frying pan? No, he's still alive well and kicking and we're very good friends, but I noticed myself thinking that thought and then I used metacognition to be able to analyze the thought and say, well, maybe you feel a little frustrated with him at the moment, but smacking him on the head with the frying pan won't be your smartest move, best you don't do it. What trajectory would it send me on? Not a very good one, that's for sure.

I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be talking to you right now had I carried out that decision, that action, but you're not using any form of metacognition when it comes to your food choices. You're just like, well, I'm hungry now and I don't care because I've had a bad day and so-and-so yelled at me and so I'm just going to eat. You're not thinking about what trajectory it will send you on.

You're not using any layers of metacognition to be able to analyze the decision before taking action. You're just putting your I don't care pants on and then telling yourself you'll do better tomorrow. When you use this superpower, and it really is a superpower, when you use it, that's what is going to allow you to intercept your binge patterns before they even take place.

I want you to start thinking more in compounding outcomes. Start training your brain to update your operating system for long-term vision versus short-term gratification. Start thinking, how is this choice going to shape me over the next six months? And if I am going to develop some emotional agility rather than just living in emotional avoidance, how can I learn to tolerate or metabolize uncomfortable emotions rather than eating over them? Can you learn to feel things without feeding them away? One of the best ways that I've learned recently to do that is to eat more with the sun and less with the moon.

I just find that during the daytime, your metabolism is working better. You're going to burn things off faster. You're still really busy during the day and so you're generally not going to sit down and binge during the day, but nighttime eating gets all of us.

So if you make a commitment to upgrade your operating system in such a way that you eat with the sun and not the moon, then you are going, and I'm not saying you don't eat at night, I'm just saying you consume the majority of your caloric intake during the day, then you are going to create an OS that is working for you instead of against you. If you can start making your new behaviors automatic by focusing more on your operating system or your ways of being and doing than you do on targeting the behavior, you will find your decision-making processes get easier, more streamlined, healthier, you feel good about them and you easily step into the 0.1% of women who win at this game because they have rebuilt their identity, their decision models and their entire emotional frameworks for success, not just with emotional eating and weight loss, not just getting rid of but for success in all areas of life. Honey, I just want to remind you today that you really don't need more willpower.

Willpower will never do it. Identity trumps willpower all day long. You need a new internal upgrade to your operating system.

That's what you need to do. You update your phone right now more than you update your thoughts, because when you do install a new OS for yourself, for your ways of being and doing and thinking, that's when new behaviors happen naturally. You don't need to tell your phone to operate now in the best and most efficient way.

(12:21 - 16:23)

It does it easily and naturally and just by default because of its operating system. The woman who is free from emotional eating, she's already inside you. You just need to upgrade your operating system so that she can come out to play.

Honey, I will just share one more thing with you that I did share on today's Live Masterclass and I think this is really, really important for you to remember because so many of us start feeling bad about the current operating system that we're using. We're like, well, I just suck and my decisions suck and I can never make good decisions. I want to remind you of something.

When you were born as a little wee bambino, it's the same way you kind of get your first phone is that it comes in the box and it has no software installed. You have to install the software. Well, it's really similar to when you're born.

You have no software installed. What happens is your first operating system gets installed by everyone around you. Your parents start telling you who you are.

The information around you starts telling you who you need to be. Other family members, church leaders, caregivers, anybody around you starts giving you feedback on who you are and it builds your very first operating system. Now, depending on what kind of feedback you got and what kind of information you got, you either had a really great first initial operating system or maybe you had a really, really shitty one.

It doesn't matter now because now you're in a position of power to understand that you can update and upgrade your OS any freaking time you want. All you need to do is install a new operating system. So, if this resonates with you and you're like, yeah, I need some new internal architecture.

I need some new upgrades. If this is the kind of thing that deeply you know inside, it's my identity and operating system that needs the work right now because it's me that's making all these horrible, shitty decisions that are keeping me stuck in emotional eating hell, then that's exactly what we do inside of the Bombshell Blueprint. Now, you know that you can either hit the link in the show notes or come visit us over at KyliePax.com forward slash bombshell.

No, that's not it. Every time I do this KyliePax.com forward slash blueprint because I'm not into quick fixes, like they're just mainly because they don't even exist. I am going to show you how to upgrade from the inside out.

And when you do that, your body and your weight reflects it. That is why if you could sort of get a meta view of any of the women who have achieved any level of success in life with their weight, with their eating, with their food choices, anyone that you admire, I promise you, you're not going to find a better meal plan. You're not going to find that they have some crazy Terminator style of self-discipline and they don't have secret pills and supplements that everybody knows about but you.

It's not how it works. What you will find in those women is a level of self-identity and self-concept work that you right now are not doing. They've got the metacognitive decision-making capabilities that you have, but haven't been using.

They've been implementing them, but you haven't. They've got the emotional agility under stress. Right now, you're just eating your stress away.

They are doing all the things that you kind of know you should be doing, but they feel a little uncomfortable. So then you keep running back to food. Honey, when you can learn how to self-generate that internal safety, you really will realise that your operating system is what's determining all the outcomes in your life.

And when you upgrade that, then your behaviours will also upgrade automatically. Honey, I'm sending you tremendous amounts of love. I cannot wait to see you again next week.

I know we're coming to the close now of season three, so there's only a few more episodes left. Soak it up, honey. And if you found today's episode helpful, valuable, or even mildly entertaining, please go ahead, like, love, and share with the besties so that we can start changing the lives of women around the world.

(16:23 - 16:27)

I'm sending you love. I will see you again next week. Until then, gorgeous ones, bye for now.

(16:27 - 16:46)

Thank you so much for tuning in. Remember to shimmy your butt over to KyliePax.com and join me inside of the bombshell blueprint so you can stop emotional eating and start losing your way now. You'll also find helpful notes and resources inside my past podcast that will help you lose your weight without losing your sanity.

I will see you next week.