
Losing It! Weight Loss for Emotional Eaters
SPOILER ALERT: If you’re looking for a “quick fix” solution to help you drop 10kg and gain back 15kg, this podcast will be massively disappointing. But, if you want to stop emotional eating and find out how to lose weight for life, this is for you. Join Australia's Emotional Eating Coach, Kylie Pax, as she shows you how.
Losing It! Weight Loss for Emotional Eaters
Stop Waiting for Motivation & Start Building Your Own
Are you stuck in the cycle of binge eating, emotional eating, and starting over every Monday? In this episode, I'm breaking down why waiting for motivation is keeping you stuck (and what to do instead). You'll learn how to build unstoppable momentum by focusing on micro identity upgrades to create small, stackable wins that deliver big results. If you’re ready to stop hoping for a lifeline and start leading yourself, this episode is your wake-up call.
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What is up you gorgeous, fabulous creatures and welcome to another week of the Losing It podcast. I'm so excited to be here with you today and if you're loving the podcast and you want to hear more, make sure you go ahead and hit the subscribe button or leave me a review. That is how we're going to change the lives of women around the globe.
So today we're talking a whole bunch of hardcore things, mainly self-sabotage, how to stop that rut, how to get out of the binge and restrict cycle and I'm going to start today. So you'll figure out what's coming by me sharing a page from my journaling this morning. I used to journal consistently when I look back at my life over the last 10 years and if I, this is a great exercise for any of you to do, look back at the time most recently in your life when you were winning.
Everything was flowing, you were in the flow, you were in the vibe, everything was working out for you. What habits were you consistently sustaining at that point that you have since let slip? For me, journaling was one of them. I was up at 4.45 every morning.
I was journaling, having my lemon drink. I was having green tea. I was spending time with God.
There's a whole bunch of things that I was doing that I am no longer doing and I'm making fucking excuses, which is what we're talking about today. Now I'm making the excuses. Well, you know, that was 10 years ago or that was eight years ago.
I was only in my 40s then. Of course, I had energy. Now I'm tired.
I'm so tired. Well, let me start with this journal entry and you'll see where today's episode is going to go. Babe, you have spent your entire life waiting for someone to rescue you, waiting for things to be easier, just fully expecting an easy life and getting mad and eating when it's not.
This is not a Disney movie, babe. You want the hot body, the easy relationship with food, the thriving business. You have to fucking work for it.
Why the fuck do you think that you deserve any of it without at least putting in the bare minimum? Pull up your socks, girl. Sure, you have raised your standards lately, but to be honest, they're still embarrassingly low. Look around you.
If Oprah walked into your house right now, would you be proud of how you look? And what about your surroundings? Do you feel good when you walk into a room and your mind is just instantly flooded with excuses? I'll get to this soon. And then you go and watch four hours of fucking Netflix. Seriously, what the fuck? I'm never going to take away from you the work that you are putting in, but you and I both know that this is not the best you have to give.
Now, if any of this sounds familiar to you or sort of hits a pain point in your life, then you're in the right place, honey, because I'm going to share five reasons today on how to break that cycle. And they're really simple. This is not hard or complex.
It shouldn't be that difficult, but we have never lived in a time like this before where information is so readily accessible to us. And not only is it accessible, you're getting it thrown in your face whether you want it or not, but you can consume all the information in the world. If you are not taking the key points and takeaways that work for you from the information you're consuming and then taking action on them, then you are just a big suckhole in the information highway of life.
You're sucking things in, but you're not giving any benefit back to society. So let's start with the first step today, which is recognising your own damn bullshit. Honey, you have to understand that these patterns that you're displaying right now of binge eating, overeating, making excuses, putting things off, procrastinating, all of it, it's often tied to emotional triggers.
But this is the thing. Very often, we try and raise our standards in our life. And this is such a key, key point.
We spoke about this a little bit last week, I think we might have touched on it, but it's around the law of sustainment, which basically states that you cannot sustain actions or stay consistent with any actions or choices that you make that are in direct conflict with how you see yourself. What I mean is when your actions start to rise, but your identity stays the same, you create a level of tension that is so uncomfortable, you always revert back to your disempowering habits, your self-sabotaging habits. And you think, but why? Why don't I stay to the risen level that I went to? Because you can't.
Identity always wins. That's why I always use my Beyonce example that you're not going to get up tomorrow and start acting like a world-class athlete or Oprah or Beyonce or Madonna. You're not going to get up and start acting like these people because you don't have their identity.
You don't believe that you are as fabulous as them. I'm just going to fucking say it, as fabulous as them. You have a different identity and it's not bad or wrong.
It's just different. We have a different level of fabulous. This is the reason why you feel that you consistently self-sabotage and it's so hard for you to start changing your life.
You're not broken. You're just trying to grow up faster, or not grow up, but grow faster in your life than your identity can keep up. And so then when your habits upgrade, but your self-image stays stuck, you're essentially creating like a tug of war.
And you can push forward with your new behaviours, but deep down, deep down, you are still wired to believe that you're the old you. And that's the conflict. It's not laziness, it's an identity crisis.
It's an identity resistance and identity always wins until you rewrite it. So you just trying harder isn't going to cut it. You have to become her.
You have to become that girl and let go of the outdated version of you. It's not optional for you to hang on to her. It's literally the price of you creating lasting change in your life.
So the first step is you recognising this cycle. Understand that the patterns you're currently carrying out of binge eating, cutting back on your word, always letting yourself down, maybe others as well, that is an identity issue. That's not a you issue.
It's an identity issue. It's not a values issue. It's not a problem with, you know, why am I constantly letting myself down or letting other people down.
That's an identity issue. So you need to start by recognising that cycle. And then the second step, embrace self-compassion.
Let's learn the importance of treating yourself with kindness and understanding during this journey that we're taking. Listen, I can sit around all day long and write journal pages and tear shreds off myself. But if I don't then look at it through the eyes of compassion, understand why I'm making the choices that I'm making.
Oh, okay, it's not a problem with me. I'm not broken. This is an identity issue.
There are still parts of me that think it's okay to have washing piled up from three weeks ago. There are still parts of me that think it's okay to maybe not clean the stovetop every single time it's used. There are parts of me that think it's fine.
I want you to take my examples and look at yourself. I'll just air all my dirty laundry and I'll use myself as the example. But take what I use as an example and apply it to your own life.
Where have you dropped your standards so low that if somebody you would really want to impress walks in your house, you'd be fucking mortified. That's your first port of call. That's the first place that you need to start.
Because the third action that you're going to take is take two or three tiny steps in that area, whatever it is that you're going to be. So for me, it's going to be constantly keeping the house tidy every single day. That means it's not such a big drama when I don't let it get into a big mess.
When I spend 30 minutes a day, it's just 30 minutes. It's all it's going to take. Get some washing done, dry it, make sure it's put away.
Make sure that the floors are whatever, the floors are vacuumed. For anybody that's got a fur baby, you'll know that fluff and hair collects like tumbleweed throughout the house. Just stay on top of that.
I've got my dice and there's really no excuses. We're going to take two or three tiny steps to start building momentum. So what are your actual steps going to be this week to create some lasting change? Honestly, don't write me a list of 10.
That's the worst fucking thing you can do. You can write 10, but you're only going to pick two or three and pick the ones that most consistently align with the actions you feel good about taking. The values that are going to line up with your goal.
Because today, let me just tell you, it is now nearly two o'clock in the afternoon and I've only just finished my workout for the day. I didn't want to do it. I dove into content creation this morning.
I was so pumped and excited to do it. And there's nothing wrong with that. That's really good.
They all say, follow your bliss and yada yada. It's fantastic. But the minute it gets after about 10am, the chances of me working out at that point have just plummeted, plummeted abysmally.
And I had the self-talk going on in my head, like Jerry Springer sort of level of feral talk, like just don't worry about it now. You're such a stupid fat cow anyway. Well, nobody cares anyway.
Nobody's looking at you. Nobody's going to ever pay attention to you. You're so fat and disgusting and old, old, old is the biggest thing that the voice, that evil, evil voice in my head plays on now.
Now that I'm in my fifties, it's all about my age. And if some of you probably, well, I'm sure you don't know that I recently posted a post on Instagram that went like completely viral. It got like 1.8 million views.
It had 50,000 shares. I don't know, 30,000 comments. That was ridiculous.
And it was me dancing in a supermarket. Now, did it go viral for good reasons? Honey, I fucking wish. It somehow ended up on the wrong side of Instagram.
It got shown to teenagers and because they just latched onto it, like I was feared for their, for their disgusting comments, it kept getting shown to more and more young people. But I want to say like, I wish I could just blame this on somehow, well, they haven't fully learned their manners yet or something like that. But there were adults in there too, commenting, both men and women, you ugly fat cow.
Somebody, and I mean, that's nice. That's not really what they were saying. Somebody said, and I paraphrase so that I don't have the quote in front of me, but their comment said, I want to gouge my eyes out with a spoon and smear shit all over them.
Like basically from having seen this, other people said, I'm going to kill myself because I had to look at you. Somebody said, I'm going to kill myself and I'm going to send it to you on a VHS tape. And I'm going to make you watch it.
And I'm thinking like, how fucking stupid do you have to be? First of all, that is literally, I just, all I could, I just wrote back that is literally not possible. But in the end, I stopped commenting. I stopped doing anything.
And recently, I just archived it yesterday. I said to Phil, you know what, this is really messing with my mental health. It's still got momentum.
After about two months, I would, every time I open my phone, there's another 50 comments that are negative, hurtful, disgusting, rude comments about the way that I look. And I already feel insecure enough about that. I'm already doing the mindset work around how to accept aging in a society that glorifies youth and beauty.
So I don't need that shit. I am setting my own fucking boundaries. And those feral little rats can go post their shit on somebody else's page, but it's not happening on mine.
I'm now deciding that really strong boundaries and parameters are going to be set around the content I consume and create. So you will notice some changes coming up and things are going to be changing on my page over the next few months. There's a lot more authenticity.
I don't really, I'm not trying to fit in anymore to a fitness sort of genre that's kind of out there. That's for, I don't know. I don't know.
It's for girls that it's not for me. That is not what I'm about. Yes.
I am heading towards 10 kilos gone now. And I'm really, really excited about that. Yes.
I've made monumental progress over the last few years with emotional eating binge eating. It's really not an issue for me anymore. And that's what I'm here to help women with.
But as for being openly and publicly ridiculed and attacked on a minute by minute basis, no, if you have something like this in your life, and I mean, hopefully you don't have something like that, but if you have something that, you know, boundaries need to be set in a particular area, get off your ass and fucking set them. It might be uncomfortable. It might disappoint people.
It might hurt somebody's feelings, but your mental and emotional health is number one importance when it comes to the food choices that you decide to make each and every day. So you have to recognize that you need to become uncomfortable before you can get comfortable. And honestly, this is how we're going to build the next level of self-trust for you.
The whole reason that you're binge eating and overeating is because you've broken your trust so many times. It's fucking embarrassing. We need to start building up your self-trust, which is what read the fourth step, which is what redefining success looks like for you.
Let's shift your perspective on what success is from only being weight loss, only looking great on the bathroom scale, only looking good in bikini, like only getting comments from my partner or whatever. That's not fucking success. Anybody can go on some hardcore diet and do that in two minutes.
Success is you being okay with getting uncomfortable in the short term to be comfortable long term, because the fifth step is that is how you empower yourself. We're going to empower you today. Get the tools, the strategies, the knowledge that you need, whatever that looks like.
If you have a spare moment in your day, so for me, basically four hours a night watching Netflix, I could be using, let's just say at least one hour of that for upskilling so that I can be a more robust player. There is so much that you can do that you have the option to do, but you're shoving it to the side right now because of the excuses. I'm tired.
It's too late. I've had a hard day. Nobody really cares, honey.
We're all tired. It's late for everybody and we all have hard days. So let's start thinking about the steps that you're going to be taking next.
There are certain things that you can do. So journaling is coming right back into my morning routine. It's simply non-negotiable.
And when that feral voice kicks up in my head, doesn't really matter. You don't have time today. That is not a fucking option for me.
You're going to step up and you're going to say to that voice in your head, not me, not today. Not me, not today. I am not that person anymore.
I can see in my head when I talk about my eating codes, eating code number five is act like the person you want to become. And I can see that version of me in my head. That version of Kylie, she is so fucking hot and amazing and confident.
And yes, she is slimmer in her body, but she also has some muscle tone. She feels great. She's got some abs to find.
She's wearing cute clothes because she likes looking cute and she doesn't care what anybody says about her hair color or her choice of clothes. That is the avatar that I'm working towards. But I can see her so clearly in my mind that if any voice comes in my head now that is contrary to that vision that I have for myself, fuck that shit.
Not me, not anymore, not today. So start by journaling what it is that you want to see every morning, writing down your thoughts, your feelings, anything that's going to help get that frustration out about food or anything that's going on in your life. And then you're going to use, now that you have a clear slate, you're going to use that space, that clear head space to set some realistic goals.
(15:16 - 18:18)
And when I say realistic, I don't want you to be stupid realistic. I want you to shoot for the stars, but start on the ground. Focus on achievable short-term goals that can start building that momentum so it contributes to your overall bigger picture and self-belief.
Practice mindfulness if that's what you need to do. If you need to seek support, that's, of course, going to be your number one. Don't hesitate.
Don't hesitate for a second because depression and anxiety thrive in silence and stillness. Start moving your body every single day. Whether you feel like it is completely irrelevant.
You need to do it. I was, so like I said, I got my workout in. I did get it in, clapping hand emojis for me.
I just did it and then I thought, fuck this, I'm going to sit down now and I'm going to record next week's podcast. So you're hearing this next Tuesday. Honey, it's right now Friday and I'm so fucking proud of myself because I am normally recording this minutes before it's supposed to go live because I've pushed it and pushed it and pushed it.
That is not who I intend to be anymore. Not me, not today. I am going to be the girl that has such a rock solid structure in place every day that it becomes my safety net.
Your structure is your safety net. If you are running your day by the reason why you're making shitty, shitty food choices, your structure is your safety net. If you are one of my girls inside of the bombshell blueprint, you will know that every day, first thing, we make our plan for the day.
What it is, breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks, what we're going to be eating, any roadblocks that might come up ahead of us today and how we're going to handle them. You've got to know upfront, don't wait for this shit to befall you before you try and figure it out. You don't have the mental space each and every day to make more and more decisions.
Let your schedule make the decisions for you. And if you can't find the ability to do that within yourself, or you've never done it before, then get the help of a professional or a support group or a coach or somebody who can, yes, give you the guidance to execute, but also hold you accountable to that execution along the way. My loves, please do remember that this journey to overcoming binge eating and emotional eating, it's going to be personal and unique for every single person.
But when you start building your own momentum and embracing some of these steps that we've gone through today, you will quickly, very quickly start seeing lasting change as you begin to live your life aligned, much closer aligned to your values and your aspirations in your own life. I want to thank you again for joining me here today. Please remember, if you like what you're hearing and you want to hear more, be sure to remember and hit that subscribe button.
And as always, the only person who has the power to change your life is you. When you step up and you start looking at your personal deficits without tearing yourself to shreds, looking at them analytically instead of critically, and then bridging the gap between where you are now and where you want to be in a positive way, both for your physical health and your mental health, honey, that is when you've got what it takes. I'm sending you love.
(18:18 - 18:41)
I cannot wait to see you again next week. Until then, gorgeous ones, bye for now. Thank you so much for tuning in.
Remember to shimmy your butt over to KyliePax.com and join me inside of the bombshell blueprint so you can stop emotional eating and start losing your way now. You'll also find helpful notes and resources inside my past podcast that will help you lose your weight without losing your sanity. I will see you next week.