Toxic Habits Still Showing Up? You’re Outgrowing Your Old Identity

When your habits upgrade but your self-image stays stuck, it creates a kind of internal tug-of-war. You can push forward with new behaviours, but deep down, you're still wired to believe you're the “old you.” That conflict? That’s not laziness. It’s identity resistance. And identity always wins... until you rewrite it.
This isn’t about trying harder. It’s about becoming HER. Letting go of the outdated version of you isn’t optional. It’s the price of lasting change.

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Transcript

Welcome to the Losing It podcast. As always, if you love what you're hearing and you want to hear more, please go ahead and hit that subscribe button. Share me on your stories or leave me a review.

I will be ever so grateful to hear from you. And that's your Disney rhyme for today. Okay.

(0:15 - 0:37)

Today we are talking about the 10 traits of that future version of you, that 1% woman, the version of you who is like elite. She has got her shit together. She is slim, she is toned, she is not stressing over food.

She's certainly not binge eating. She's wearing the hot clothes that right now you feel like you can't wear. That is the version of you has got her shit together.

(0:38 - 1:55)

She does exist, but she is 10 steps away from where you are right now. And today I'm going to show you exactly how to bridge that gap, how I'm currently doing it and how you can implement the same steps into your life. So honey, let's start by being very, very clear because that 1% version of you, that future version of you, the elite woman who you want to be, she lives with intentionality.

She has got her discipline and her self-respect in order. She is not bullshitting around. She's not sitting and waiting to feel motivated.

She doesn't stress over perfectionism and trying to get things exactly right. She doesn't binge when she eats a cookie crumb. That version of you knows that her structure is her safety net.

Without a strong daily structure, she will fall into bad habits, old toxic patterns, and they will never help shift her forward. So she keeps her forward thinking identity and she's using only strategic decision-making processes. So let's break down some actionable steps that you can use in your everyday life to help you shift from chaotic choices, feeling out of control around food, to rewiring your habits so that you can step into your highest version of self starting today.

(1:55 - 2:29)

Okay, number one, this one I am so passionate about right now because it's the thing I've struggled with the most my whole life and since implementing these processes, my whole world has changed. Time management, honey. That 1% version of you, she plans her entire day and she does it the night before.

Her little peepers don't close the night before until she has her entire next day structured and planned in her life. She understands that if she doesn't own her night, she will lose her day. She also understands the importance of movement.

(2:29 - 3:41)

I have worked with so many clients over the years who just don't want to do any exercise. And let me be perfectly clear, I was one of them. I hated exercise my whole life and the only reason I ever did it, of course, was to burn calories.

I didn't do it because I liked exercise. I didn't do it because I loved or enjoyed it in any capacity. It was only ever a fat burning mission for me.

So most recently, I've understood that passion is more important than purpose because the passion will drive your purpose. So I gave up the gym and I've taken up walking. I am more than happy to walk Miss Molly every single day.

I am more than happy to do walks myself. It's the most low impact, high fat burning exercise that you can actually do and it's good for your joints, especially for females in my era. We need to be walking.

When they talk about lifting heavy, I understand and that's fine. It's not everybody's cup of tea. For me right now, it's not mine either.

But walking is still resistant. Every single step you take puts force on your bones. So it's resistance.

This 1% version of you, she knows that this matters. Daily physical activity is simply a non-negotiable because it's so much more than exercise. It's emotional regulation.

(3:42 - 5:31)

It's not just about the fitness or calorie burning, it's emotional and hormonal regulation. You're going to step into a place where consistency starts overriding motivation. We spoke about motivation last week and yes, as much as I love it, it is a short term stop gap for getting that discipline into your life.

So choose discipline and structure every single day because that's what's going to outperform any emotional choices that you're making. So when it comes to your decision-making processes, are you choosing from an emotional standpoint? I don't care. I don't like.

I don't want. I feel. That's your emotional choices.

When you hear yourself saying shit like that, you're probably about to make a really stupid decision, even more likely with food. So we're not doing that anymore. You are now going to integrate discipline and structure into your days to help back up the level of consistency that you currently are lacking in life.

Then it's all about making that identity shift. The core transformation that you need to see is going to begin with you no longer accepting that outdated version of yourself. You saying shit like, I don't know.

I can't get my shit together. I'm disorganized. That is not going to happen anymore.

You are structuring your day. You are using discipline over motivation and all of this together is going to help you create a new identity. We also spoke last week.

If you've missed that episode, it was really, really good on the steps for motivation and how to implement the hacks into your life. It's the shit that nobody else will share with you. And I broke it down entirely because when we talk about no gatekeeping, I mean that shit for real.

We were talking about habit stacking because micro-efficiency will out do any huge overriding plans that you have. You need to fall in love with the mundane. You know when people talk about romanticizing their life, they just romanticize your routines.

(5:31 - 5:38)

They romanticize your showers and romanticize your workouts. I thought, what is this fucking shit? I don't have time to romanticize some shit. I am a busy person.

(5:39 - 6:53)

I am an A type personality and I've got stuff to do. And it took me an embarrassingly long period of time to learn that romanticizing your day means falling in love with the mundane. Why does this matter to us as emotional eaters and binge eaters? Because the mundane is what's going to get you to your results.

Setting an initial goal, I'm going to lose 55 kilos. It's fantastic. You get excited about it.

You can see the possibility. You fall in love with the potential. And then you start thinking about the end goal.

And that's also exciting. I'm going to be able to wear clothes and I can finally take that trip and I'll be able to go to restaurants and all the things you want to do. We love the beginning.

We also love the end. You're obsessed. Don't tell me that you fucking not because I know you are.

You're obsessed with getting online, looking at Instagram and watching people's before and after journey. And it is cute and it's very exciting. But nobody talks to you about the mundane shit.

The day in, day out, boring ass rituals that they played out for a year, two years to get that transformation. That's what you need to fall in love with. And what's going to help you fall in love with that stuff? Romanticizing it.

(6:53 - 8:46)

Yeah, you might think that making your protein drink every day is boring AF. Well, let's romanticize it. Yeah, we can add some pretty little ice cubes in a cute shape and a nice glass shaped straw.

And it is cuter. It's going to help make that mundane shit of the day in and the day out. Get up.

Make sure you stop eating at 80% full. Only eat when you're hungry. What am I going to have today? I'm not going to have too many carbs because they bloat me or any of those things.

Whatever it looks like, the boring stuff, get my steps in, 10Ks, that's what you need to fall in love with. So whatever that looks like, if that looks like you're getting a cute workout outfit, do it girl, because you need to fall in love with the boring. So let me break down 10 steps that this 1% version of you does that you're currently not doing.

These are the things that you're right now avoiding, but you know they need to be done. What I'm going to you is not rocket science and it may not be new to you, but it is shit that you're avoiding. So consider this your wake up call, honey, I am here to grab your hand, drag you out of your delusional games, where somebody comes and you know, I always say like Tinkerbell comes and dings you on the head and makes your life magically easy.

That is not going to happen. A goal without a plan is just a wish. And honey, you are not a genie.

So the first thing you're going to do is you're going to set up a strong AF nighttime planning routine. This means you're going to plan out, first of all, yes, your nighttime routine. And then you're going to plan out your next day in full detail.

I mean, in living color, your meals, your exercise plans, the times that you're going to be self-educating, the times you're going to rest. All of this needs to happen the night before. Why is this so important? Because it eliminates decision fatigue.

Every day you get up and you're pretty motivated, like you're motivated enough to get out of bed, right? You're motivated, you're excited. What's the day going to hold? This is fantastic. I'm going to hit my targets today.

(8:46 - 9:01)

It's going to be great. But by two, three or four in the afternoon, you are so over it. And if you have a day like I had the other day, where just everything went wrong, the car battery was flat, the roller door was got stuck, like everything went wrong that could go wrong in one day.

(9:01 - 9:21)

I had to spend like, what the hell do I have to spend $500 plus on a new car battery? The guy just the little motor dude rolls up when I call him, I'm like, hey, car battery won't start, the roadside assistance comes and he's like, yeah, yeah, sis, that's like 500 bucks. Are you fucking kidding me? Oh my god, massive eye roll emoji. Everything that could go wrong, went wrong.

(9:21 - 13:46)

And that is where you need to have a structure that is airtight, but also has fluidity. Plan that into your day. And you're going to do it at night.

So make sure you get your plans done at night to allow yourself to have windows where when things don't go to plan, you can pivot and you can recalibrate, but your behaviour will always fall back in line with your goals. The second thing you're going to do is you're going to reject your old identity. That version of you that's full of lame ass excuses, that's making up stories in her head and thinking that tomorrow me is going to be way more motivated to take action than today me, we are rejecting all of it.

Your transformation, this transformation that you're going to carry out over the next six months, it's going to begin by you refusing, flat out refusing to identify with past habits, past limiting beliefs, all the bullshit behaviours that you used to live and breathe by, they're gone. Kiss them bye bye. I want you to now just physically put your hand up and wave bye bye, bye bullshit behaviours.

You're going to now say to yourself, that's not me, that's not who I am. The next time that thought rolls up in your head, like don't worry, just eat it all tonight, go order Uber Eats tonight, you can start again tomorrow. You know what I want you to do before you even lift a fucking finger, don't lift a finger to dial Uber Eats.

Instead, you're going to say, not me, not me, that's not who I am. And the reason that that statement works so well is because it begs the question from your brain, well, if that's not who I am, then who am I? Your brain will instinctively come back with that question, well, if that's not who I am, then who am I? And your only role in that moment is to show your brain who the fuck you are. Step up, stand up and refuse to give up.

You're going to go eat the damn salad that you meal prepped earlier and you're going to enjoy it because it's who you said you wanted to be. And you know me, I'm not about eating shitty food. I spent a lifetime eating salads that I hated because I thought that's what I needed to do to lose weight.

And we have over 250 plus recipes inside of the Blueprint and they're all delicious and very few of them are salad. And the ones that are, are like not your grandma's salad. They're amazing.

But I'm saying if you've made a commitment to yourself, you are going to follow through. That's what it's about. The next thing you're going to do, third step, is you're going to start acting like the CEO of your own damn life.

Too many of you are acting like somebody else is in charge and you're just sitting back and letting them lead the reins. What kind of bullshit is this? You need to remember that the most precious asset that you have in your world is your time. Nothing is more important, not your car, not your house, not your money, none of that.

Your most precious asset is time because that's the one thing that can be taken away at any second with zero warning. So I want you to start tracking your time throughout the day. If you're a woman who says, I don't have time to exercise, I don't have time, Kylie, to watch your free course where I can tell you exactly how to lose 20 kilos, right? All the links are in the show notes.

Well, 20 plus, however many weights, however much weight you want to lose. I lost 20 kilos. But that's what you can do.

I don't have time, Kylie. I don't have time. You don't understand, Kylie.

I'm so busy. No, honey, we're all busy. Everybody's got their excuses and their reasons.

But a CEO would get that shit done. You need to step up and start tracking your time. If you think you don't have time, then you better fucking track your time and see where is all this time going? Because listen, I'm going to be super transparent.

Of course, we all have 24 hours in a day, but we don't have the same 24 hours in a day. So for instance, my next door neighbor is the most beautiful woman in the whole world. And her daughter has autism and it's quite severe.

And she has some other challenges as well. Her 24 hours don't look like mine. They don't even look remotely similar.

They're very, very different. But she structures her time and makes sure that her and her beautiful daughter get time for outdoors. They get time for the fun things that need to be done.

They also get time for the chores that need to be done. Like there is structure in her day. If you treated your time and your calendar as if you were a CEO that was going to lose their $750,000 a year job if you didn't perform, you would start finding holes in your day that would be better served taking action in other areas like self-education, reducing your screen time.

(13:46 - 14:38)

There are things that you can do that right now you're making excuses not to do. The fourth thing you're going to do and don't run screaming, I'm just going to tell you how it is, is you need to start moving your ass. Don't give me the excuses.

I don't like exercise. I don't like it. Well, I'm not talking about joining a gym.

You don't have to do that. But some form of movement needs to become a non-negotiable because that is what the 1% version, that future version of you, that's what she is doing. So if you want to actually get to her and have her integrated into your reality, then you need to start doing the shit that she's doing.

Start moving on the daily and don't frame it as like some kind of tour. I'm going to do my walk. I'm going to get my 10k steps.

No, you just need to start looking after yourself, especially if you have an option to walk outdoors. And please don't use weather as an excuse. Right now it is in the middle of winter here down in South Aus.

(14:38 - 21:48)

It's cold, really, really cold. I rug my little ass up. I got scarves and jumpers and jackets on and out I go.

My little feet go toddling outdoors and Molly and I walk for like an hour. But sometimes it's only 20 minutes. I don't really care.

I'm more interested in proving to my brain that I am that girl, the girl who does do her walks and keeps consistency and keeps her word to herself. I'm more interested right now in proving to my brain that that is who I am than letting my brain prove to me, see I told you, you're not a walker. Told you, you don't like the cold.

I don't really give a shit. Whether I like the cold is irrelevant. And what's actually happened is that I really rather enjoy it.

I like getting rugged up. And now I feel the breeze against my face and it's like warm and cozy inside my jacket and Molly and I go and have an adventure. And it's fan-fucking-tastic because I am becoming that girl with every step that I take.

So what can you do to get yourself back in control right now and start acting from that space? That's what you need to do when movement starts coming into your life. You need to start factoring in consistency more than intensity. Intensity is not really relevant at this point.

You just want to start getting consistent at having some kind of movement in your everyday life. Because step number five is taking radical responsibility for your emotional eating. Sis, instead of eating every time you get frustrated or offloading your struggles onto food, that top level, that top tier version of you, she's sitting back and asking, okay, this shit over here is out of my control right now.

So what can I control? And she takes action from that space. This one is chronic as well with women who like to feel like I've got it worse than everybody else. And I know so many women like this.

I used to know a female and just like, oh, I feel so embarrassed for her. She's out of my life now. But she just used to tell me constantly, I'm so busy.

I'm just so busy. And to be fair, she had four kids, you know, okay, fine. That's her choice, four kids.

I mean, it's not 40, it's four. She could still structure her day to make sure that she could do shit. But she used to ring me and be like, can you take this child here? And can you take that child there? I'm like, well, I'll help you.

But that's actually not my responsibility. These are your children, honey. You got to figure this shit out.

And that is what you have to do as well. Call in the troops if you can. And if you have the ability to do that, I think that's amazing.

And if you've got a support system, lean on them. But if you don't, then it's time for you to level up and start asking yourself once again, what can I control? Where can I take ownership of what's going on? And how can I control and pivot from this point? Act from that space. Because number six is going to look like habit stacking.

And this is something that I talked about a little bit last week as well. But you want seamless growth in your life. And the best and easiest way to get that is for you to start leveling up by 1% every single day.

You want to get to that 1% version of you? Well, she's not sitting around just waiting for shit to arrive and fall on her and good fortune to just happily knock on her door. She is taking the steps for seamless and effortless growth. So start linking this new habits that you want.

Like maybe I will go for a 20 minute walk every single day. And if the weather is too horrific outside of my house, then I'm going to walk up and down my hallway. I'm going to do a video on YouTube.

I'll do some yoga or Pilates on YouTube, like whatever it is. Listen to an audio book while you're doing these things or use that time equally for self development. Do whatever you need to do to start building momentum and reducing resistance.

Because that's going to help you move into number seven, which is taking care of yourself daily as a form of discipline. Your self care should not be a luxury that you perhaps don't have time for. That's no longer going to be the vibe.

You are now going to integrate daily forms of self care into your schedule. So what would that look like for you? How much time do you have? It's not optional. Let's just stress again, not optional, mandatory.

It's going to reduce your emotional eating. You feeling good about yourself instead of feeling like a big fat frump is what is going to help reduce emotional eating. This is why it's not optional.

It's a reminder to yourself that you actually matter and are worth taking care of. So skincare luxuries have been something that I put off my whole life, but I am now making sure they're integrated daily. So I will use things like your gua sha if that's what you want to do.

Make sure you've got a beautiful skincare routine, especially at night when we tend to have a little bit more time. Do things like stretching that could be part of your self care. If you have the ability to do your manis and pedis and things, great.

Go once every couple of months or whatever you want to do. But get that shit into your schedule to show yourself, show your brain that yeah, you do matter. Okay, we're going to keep powering forward.

Number eight is being way more intentional with your eating. Is your eating currently, and I want to be very honest here, is it currently aligned with your goals or are you self sabotaging with every choice you make? Your food choices are now going to start supporting your goals rather than your emotions. I'm not saying you can't have both, but I'm just saying you need to start setting yourself up for goal oriented decisions.

Most importantly, there's no need to be obsessed over it. Like you don't need to be tracking macros and all that sort of stuff. I mean, in our era, it was calories.

We just counted calories and that's what we did. And so many clients that I have still, they're like, I don't know, Kylie, I can't stop counting calories. You don't need to stop.

It's not something bad. You don't need to be obsessed over it is what I'm saying. You don't need to let it rule your life.

So be savvy, be unaware of what your calories and your macros should be because yeah, of course we need to be in a deficit. But when you follow my five eating codes, you will automatically be in a deficit without having to be obsessed or using my fitness power or tracking every single number that goes past your lips. Number nine.

Okay. This one is my favorite. It's one of my favorite babies.

You gotta follow your plan, not your mood. Emotional reactivity is what your downfall is right now. We're going to replace that with structured actions and decisions.

If you don't have a plan right now, then let's zip right back on up to what we talked about earlier and start creating structure in your day so that you can reduce emotional overwhelm and decision fatigue, create that structure. And then once you have it, you're going to follow your plan and not your mood. Every day inside of the Bodyshop Blueprint, all the members, we make our plans.

We make our daily meal plans, our food plans, what we are committed to eating, doing, how we're going to conduct ourselves through the day. We make the plan. It takes all of 30 seconds in the morning, and then we follow our plan, not our mood.

With 4pm, you doesn't give a shit about your plan. That is why you have to have one in place. Because 6am version of you, she's interested, she's enthusiastic, she's goal-oriented, and she is ready to make her choices matter.

But 6pm version of you, she doesn't care. She just wants Uber Eats. That is why it's so important for you to have a plan, because you then need to switch into autopilot mode and go, no, that's fine.

(21:48 - 23:18)

I can be thinking about Uber Eats. I can be telling myself how tired I am. It doesn't really matter if I sit here in self-pity, that's still my choice.

But regardless, I'm going to follow my plan and not my mood. Because your final step, step number 10, is embodying your future self in every single aspect. I'm talking presentation, how you conduct yourself, the way you think, the way you interact with others, the way you interact with yourself when you're looking in the mirror.

All of it matters. This 1% version of you, this future version of you, the one who's lost all her weight, and not only has she lost it, she doesn't even consider that it would ever come back because it's simply not how she conducts herself anymore. That wouldn't even be a risk factor.

How is she dressing? How is she speaking and acting and talking to others? What kind of jobs is she going for? What kind of friends circle does she have? Is she eliminating toxic circles? Pretty much, they wouldn't even be a factor in her life anymore. This future identity that you want, it's something that you create. You don't find it.

She's not going to magically appear just because you lose a few kilos. You have to create her now. If you want to start stepping into her, create your 24-hour plan.

Do those things, plan your workouts, your meals, your self-education, downtime, what clothes you're going to be wearing. Don't leave decision-making until the next morning and track how you're spending your time each day. If you're still falling into the trick of, I don't know, I don't think I have time, Kylie, there are leaks right now that you are not finding.

(23:18 - 24:27)

Track your time if that's what you need to do. Do a daily self-check. What can I control right now? There may be a thousand balls up in the air, but what can you control? The shift you make from victimhood to taking active agency over your life, that's what's going to reframe the stress that you feel currently and the overwhelm around food into actionable steps that for the first time in your life are really easy to take.

So my loves, as always, I'm sending you tremendous amounts of love. I hope you've enjoyed this episode. If you've got something out of this and you're loving it and you want to hear more, again, please remember, go ahead and subscribe or leave me a review.

I'll be ever so grateful. And as always, I cannot wait to see you again next week. I am loving these episodes right now.

I'm sending you love. This is so much fun. I'll see you next week.

Until then, gorgeous ones, bye for now. Thank you so much for tuning in. Remember to shimmy your butt over to KyliePax.com and join me inside of the bombshell blueprint so you can stop emotional eating and start losing your way now.

You'll also find helpful notes and resources inside my past podcast that will help you lose your weight without losing your sanity. I will see you next week.