The Real Reason You Keep Sabotaging Your Weight Loss

Are you tired of starting over every Monday, only to binge, spiral, and start the cycle all over again?
This episode pulls back the curtain on the real reason you're not losing weight (and it's not because you're weak or lack discipline). It’s because you've been given the wrong strategy for your biology and psychology as a woman.

In this deeply honest and transformative conversation, I'm breaking down why women who emotionally eat are not broken... they are just using the wrong blueprint.

You’ll learn:
• Why emotional eating is not self-sabotage (and what to do about it)
• The 4 pillars every woman needs to stop sabotaging and lose weight permanently
• Why “motivation” is NOT the missing piece
• How to build a plan that actually sticks (even when life feels chaotic)

This isn’t another diet plan.
It’s a mindset system for women who want to become UNRECOGNISABLE... from the inside out.

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BOMBSHELL BLUEPRINT WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM

Transcript

Imagine spending years trying to diet your way into a smaller body, but every single time, no matter how hard you try, something sabotages your progress. You either binge, you give up, you tell yourself, I'm going to start again on Monday, you tell yourself you're weak, lazy, lacking discipline. But what if all of that was a lie? What if the real reason isn't willpower, but it's strategy? What is up, you gorgeous, fabulous creatures? And welcome to another week inside the Losing It podcast.

You're here with your fabulous host, Kylie Pax, Australia's emotional eating coach. And I'm so excited for today's episode, because we're talking about the real reason that you keep sabotaging your weight loss. And I'm going to pop it out there for your consideration.

We all know we're the superior sex, let's be real. We feel differently, we process pain differently, stress, self-worth, all of it has to pass through a different lens. So why are we still being prescribed the same BS cookie cutter diet when the whole time the truth is, you're not broken, but your plan is? So today we are digging into the psychology of sabotage.

Why such smart, sexy, savvy, capable women keep repeating the same destructive cycle over and over again. And more importantly, how you can break free. Okay, let's start with your first tip.

It's not self-sabotage that you're engaging in. What it actually is, is self-preservation. Sabotage is just your body's or your brain's misguided attempt at protecting you from pain.

And why? Because your nervous system will always choose a familiar pain over an unfamiliar possibility. Even though you might hate your body right now, you might hate being fat and feeling fat and feeling frumpy, telling yourself all the horror stories that you tell yourself when you look in the mirror every day. But at the close of the discussion, you are still more comfortable being there in that shitty position than you are being your most fit and fabulous self.

Now before you all come at me with your comments, oh Kylie, I want to be my most fit and fabulous self. I know you do girl, of course, so did I. But I was also equally afraid of becoming her. What if I become her and then I can never eat my favorite foods again? What if I have to eat this shitty kale salad for the rest of my life just so I can stay skinny? Will I be able to go out with friends anymore? How can I have date night if I can't eat anything because I'm going to get fat the next day? Do you see where we're going with this? You are not fighting with food, you're fighting with fear.

So let's talk a little neurobiology 101. When your stress levels start to rise, your prefrontal cortex or like the logic center of your brain sits at the front of your brain. You've got the prefrontal cortex at the front, obviously.

You've got the, where the fuck is it? You've got the subcortex at the back and your executive functions is your prefrontal cortex. That's where your decision-making takes place, your identity, your very best decisions come from there. But meanwhile, when your survival brain at the back takes over, guess what she wants? All she cares about is comfort and safety and she's very, very impatient.

She wants that shit right now. So as women, we use food for several things that are completely non-food related. We use food as a form of comfort when we're feeling overwhelmed, which is why women in emotional pain often turn to food.

It's predictable, soothing, and it's fast. I can't tell you the number of times when I would have a fight with a boyfriend or a partner or my husband, and I would instantly find myself at the fridge or in the pantry. When I was going through my divorce after 25 years with my husband, we were stuck living together in the same house for a year while we separated assets and liquidated property.

How much fun do you think that was? Not very. How stressed do you think I was every day? A lot. And every time that man would walk in the room, I got up out of my seat and ran.

Not walk. I ran to the pantry and started stuffing my face. I gained 15 kilos during my divorce because it was the most stressful experience I'd ever had up to that time.

And food was a predictable form of comfort. It was a way for me to escape the shitty, shitty feelings that I was experiencing being stuck in the house with this man when all I wanted to do was be anywhere but there. We also use food to control situations when you're very stressful and you find that you can't control your outer situation.

We'll often turn to food to make sure that we can control an inner situation, as in, well, now I'm going to feel good. I don't care that you all are upsetting me out here. I'm going to make sure that I feel good on the inside.

So it's not self-loathing. It's self-soothing in the absence of the proper tools to do that. That's when that protective loop becomes self-destructive.

Start feeling overwhelmed, so you eat. Then you feel guilty about what you ate, so you eat some more. And then you repeat the cycle until you're 45 kilos heavier.

Honeys, I want you to remember, avoidance and action are the same amount of effort. That chaos is not just external. It's internal as well.

And every single binge, every I'll start again tomorrow is a desperate response to that internal chaos. It's not because you're weak. It's because you're lacking the structure that's strong enough to hold you right now.

You don't binge because you hate yourself. You binge because somewhere along the way, food became your safe place. But here's the kicker.

That same pattern that protects you is also the exact same pattern that right now is suffocating your growth. So what are we going to do? Babe, you need a better blueprint. You're not lazy.

You have just been using the wrong methods. Women who emotionally eat aren't broken. They just require a different strategy.

Think of it like trying to run a modern software on 20-year-old computer. It's no wonder it keeps freezing. Just tracking your calories and thinking that is going to be enough to get you to the finish line.

How embarrassing. That is such an outdated theory. And honestly, you look ridiculous trying to make it work.

It's like you running around town with your Walkman, wondering why you can't stream music. Restricting yourself to a life of 1200 calories a day is complete bullshit. And not only that, restriction makes you dependent.

Whereas changing how you think gets you long-lasting results. What I mean by that is whatever you do to lose the weight is the same damn thing you're going to have to do to keep it off. So if you restrict yourself to 1200, 1800 calories just to get the weight off your body, welcome to your shitty, shitty life of 800 calories for the rest of your day.

Who wants to live like that? Changing how you think is what's going to get you the long-lasting results. Let's just take a bit of a helicopter view because it's really important to get the whole picture. Women today are stressed and overworked.

They have to-do lists that never end. Emotional loads that nobody else will ever see. Plus the whole hormones, careers, aging parents, perimenopause, and a society that is fucking obsessed with thinness.

And yet, we are being fed the same boring, bullshit advice about go on a diet, track your macros, have more willpower, and you'll be right. This is not an issue of you having the wrong plan. That is an entire glitch in the system.

So here's the truth. You don't need more motivation. You need to start making micro decisions that are going to build trust with yourself because right now, your self trust is a crime scene.

Let me tell you about the four pillars of transformation that I use with clients to help them become unrecognizable in 90 days. Now, these are the foundation for everything that I teach all of my clients inside of the bombshell blueprint because it is not your fault if you're in emotional eating hell right now, but it is your fault if you choose to stay there. So let's start first by looking at your operating system, which is the eating codes.

If you see yourself as a binge eater, you are always going to keep acting like one. So this is about identity based weight loss. And these eating codes are really freaking simple, but very, very freaking powerful.

So first up, eating code number one, go you eat when you're hungry, you don't eat when you're not. Secondly, when you do eat, you're going to stop eating at 80% full, not when you need your damn stretchy pants, 80% full. That's your magic weight loss code.

Third eating code is you're going to follow your plan and not your mood. I don't care what kind of a day you've had, shut that shit down, honey. Follow your plan, not your mood.

And then the fourth eating code, which encapsulates everything all in one is to act like the person you want to become. In other words, this is not about food. It's not about your food choices.

It's not about your addiction to sugar. It's about you becoming the woman who no longer needs that shit in order to cope with her life. Next, let's talk a little about mindset because motivation is not going to get you to the finish line, but your daily boring micro decisions will.

Motivation, it's a surge. It's an emotion. It's hype.

And like all hype, it's going to crash. What builds that trust and consistency and progress that you want to see? Tiny little decisions made day in, day out, over and over again. I'm talking the boring shit like drinking the water instead of having more wine, going to bed when you're tired instead of raiding the pantry, showing up to train that day instead of ghosting the plans that you made yesterday.

You want to start training your brain to look for answers, not excuses, because you're never going to rise to the level of your goals. That is not something that just happens. You don't sit around and decide you want to be better and now magically start acting that way.

Honey, not how it works. You will never rise to the level of your goals. You will always fall to the level of your excuses.

So the excuses have to go. The third main pillar that I teach is nutrition, because let's be very clear, food is not the enemy, but your relationship to food might be. You don't need a meal plan that feels like prison.

You need tools that teach you how to remove the emotional charge from food or how to enjoy pizza and still be experiencing the weight loss that you want to experience. Because when you stop needing food to cope with your life, that is when you reclaim control over your life. I remember when I was married, I used to make my husband hide the chocolate somewhere around the house.

I used to tell him, I don't care where you put it, just make sure it's somewhere that I can't find it. And if I ask you for it, do not give it to me. That was the only instruction I had for him.

And then when I would throw a temper tantrum and tell him that I wanted the chocolate and he wouldn't give it to me, I would get so angry. I would absolutely lose my shit and tell him, you better give me that chocolate right now. If you don't give me that damn chocolate, we are literally getting a divorce.

So the poor man would go to his little hidey hole, give me the chocolate. I would scoff my face like a rabid squirrel. And then, then, who do you think I got angry at me? Nah, nah, nah.

I turned back on him. It's your fault that I'm getting fat. I can't believe you gave me that chocolate.

What is wrong with you? I told you not to give it to me. Man, I feel sorry for that dude. Okay, fourth step, accountability, because this is where most women fail.

You are right now spending your life being everybody else's cheerleader, but who's showing up for you? What you need in order to succeed. There's your little Disney rhyme for the day. What you need in order to be able to get where you want to go here with your weight loss is you need someone who can be your hype girl, but they will equally call you out and they won't let you sabotage your own potential.

So whether you're getting someone to send you voice notes or doing anonymous check-ins or weekly calls with the coach, make sure you're not left alone to negotiate with your inner self saboteur. Now, let's talk a little about the emotional eating trap, because this is exactly why logic doesn't work when it comes to women's weight loss and emotional eating. We're not sabotaging because we're brain dead, ignorant hobbits.

We are sabotaging because we are overwhelmed and emotionally under-resourced. This is why you're feeling the shame every time you eat. You've got such big goals, but your actions right now are not matching up to them.

Your identity right now is still seeing you as the woman who can't stick to anything. You have to shift that narrative. It has to move from I'm a binge eater to I'm a woman who is fucking in control of everything in her life.

Willpower fades, but that kind of discipline starts compounding. So I want you to start by asking yourself, if I was committed, I mean really committed, to living an extraordinary life, what specific actions would I need to take right now to start leveling up? And if I was ready to drop the excuses and take one small step today, just one, what would that be? And then for me to keep these actions going, what would my schedule need to look like? Because honestly, you don't need more tips. What you actually need is a system that works and a plan that builds that 1% version of you on autopilot.

Now let's talk my 1% woman cheat code, because this is our biggest struggle. We were born into chaos, but biologically we're meant for order. So you cannot stay who you are and simultaneously become the woman that you want to be.

The 1% woman, she doesn't have more willpower. What she has is a system that makes her success easy and automatic. And she creates this by doing three small things.

Firstly, you need to rewire your habits. Secondly, you've got to reboot your routine. And thirdly, you've got to start rebuilding that self-trust.

You know if someone brings another bottle of wine into the house, you're going to drink it. You know if the family orders Uber, you're going to eat it. But all of that can change and it only takes 90 days.

Now I'm not talking about another new year, new me fantasy. No, no, no. I'm talking about you getting ahead of the pack and using the tips that we talked about today to create the new you now.

If you are sick of playing emotional whack-a-mole with food, then it's time for you to start following a blueprint that actually works for women, not robots, so that you can become unrecognizable in 90 days. Break that binge and restart cycle for good and unlock that 1% version of yourself on autopilot. Babe, if there's anything I want you to take away from today's podcast, it's this.

Your goals should be about so much more than just weight loss. It should be about a total life takeover. Thank you so much for joining me for today's podcast.

If you're loving what you're hearing and you want to hear more, please remember to hit that subscribe button or share this episode with the bestie who you know could use this today. As always, I'm sending you tremendous amounts of love. And please remember, the only person who has the power to change your life is you.

Do not wait for that calendar to flip over before you start taking action. Change your mindset now. Level up your habits now.

Hold yourself accountable now. Because all it takes is a tiny 1% pivot every day for you to be able to see and experience the change of a lifetime over the next 90 days. I am sending you tremendous amounts of love.

I will see you all again next week. And until then, my gorgeous ones, bye for now. Thank you so much for tuning in.

Remember to shimmy your bar over to KyliePax.com and join me inside of the bombshell blueprint so you can stop emotional eating and start losing your way now. You'll also find helpful notes and resources inside my past podcast that will help you lose your weight without losing your sanity. I will see you next week.