You’re Not Undisciplined. You’re Negotiating

If you keep starting over with food and weight loss, this episode will challenge you in a way most coaches won’t. This is not about motivation. It’s not about willpower. And it’s definitely not about being “more gentle” with yourself.

In this episode, I break down the real reason women stay stuck for years with food and their bodies: constant self-negotiation.

“I’ll start tomorrow.”
“I’ll start again on Monday.”
“I know I shouldn’t eat this but…”

Those aren’t harmless thoughts.
They’re broken promises.
And broken promises destroy self-respect.

You’ll learn why wanting results without discomfort is a fantasy that keeps you trapped, how negotiating with yourself erodes control, and why weight loss is never the real goal. Follow-through is.

This episode is for women who are done soothing themselves and ready to rebuild personal authority, standards, and self-respect, starting with food.

Weight loss becomes inevitable when you stop negotiating.

INSIDE THIS EPISODE:

• Why you’re not undisciplined, you’re negotiating with yourself
• How broken promises create loss of control around food
• The real reason starting is easy, but finishing feels impossible
• Why discomfort, boredom, and repetition are the price of change
• How refusing the price keeps women stuck for years
• The difference between child logic and adult standards
• How to stop negotiating and rebuild self-respect through follow-through
• Why weight loss is the proof, not the promise

Get Kylie's exact weight loss Blueprint
Get Kylie's Free Weight Loss Course
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BOMBSHELL BLUEPRINT WEIGHT LOSS FOR EMOTIONAL EATERS

Transcript

Sis, if you've stumbled upon today's podcast, then it is time for us to have a little yap and a little bestie chat. I'm settling in here. I've got my green tea and my big ass glass of lemon water with me because we're gonna have a talk today about your levels of commitment to yourself and your vision and your dream and your goals for your body, for you, for your body, but for everything in your life.

(0:23 - 0:39)

But of course, for the purposes of this podcast, for your weight loss, for your body, for feeling good, for feeling energetic and vibey and amazing, you are capable of so, so much in your life and you are selling yourself short. You are sitting back and telling yourself BS horror stories that this is not for you. You'll never be able to do it.

(0:39 - 0:54)

This is for the amazing other people, the sexy, incredible, beautiful people, the younger people, the more attractive people, any other person that is apparently not you. What is up, you gorgeous, fabulous creatures? And welcome to another week of the Losing It Podcast. You're here with Kylie Pax, Australia's emotional eating coach.

(0:54 - 1:10)

And as always, if you're loving what you're hearing and you wanna hear more, go ahead and hit that subscribe button. More of us need to know that we are able to trust ourselves, rebuild that self-trust so that we can become women who keep their word and actually achieve the things that we wanna achieve in our life. Not the least of which is getting a hot-ass body.

(1:10 - 1:20)

Now, we're gonna start today with a little story time because I caught up with one of my besties last Friday. I mean, this girl and I, we are really good friends. We see each other multiple times a week.

(1:20 - 1:29)

I love her dearly. I know she's amazing. And as we sat down to have coffee, she looked at me across the table and she said, you know, I'm gonna tell you something and you might not like it.

(1:29 - 1:37)

I sat back in my chair, took a sip of my green tea. I sort of half giggled because I thought, my God, what is she gonna come out with? I'm wearing too much makeup. She doesn't like the color of my hair.

(1:37 - 1:59)

Like what is going on? And she proceeded for about the next 45 minutes to tear, it felt like me, but it was really just my business to shreds. She was telling me that she listened to my podcast and she thought it was shit and all the information was shit and I was shit and there was nothing good in it. And when she walked away, she couldn't remember one thing that I said and it was complete fluff and BS.

(2:00 - 2:13)

And there was no way anybody would ever want to listen to this in their life. Now I give you a one sentence summation, but this was a conversation and I use the word conversation lightly because I didn't say a word. I sat there in complete shock.

(2:13 - 2:42)

This conversation must have gone on for about 45 minutes and she gave me blow by blow, point by point, all the reasons why everything I did was absolute garbage and why anybody else in the world was way better at what I do than me. Now, listen, I'm just gonna say, somebody else would have taken the hint. The fact that I did not even open my mouth because I was firstly so shocked and secondly, I'm a person who, you know, we all have different personalities.

(2:42 - 2:52)

I'm a retreater. Some people either are a fighter and they'll come out and they will move forward and fight against whatever kind of enemy is approaching them. I'm a retreater.

(2:52 - 2:56)

You're gonna find me running. So I'm like a turtle. I just go into my shell and that's it.

(2:56 - 3:06)

I'm not gonna speak. I'm not gonna say anything. I'm not, I'm one of those women that when, you know, the man comes up and goes, is everything all right, babe? Mm-hmm, I'm gone.

(3:06 - 3:23)

You may not get a word out of me for days while I'm processing what has actually happened. I sat there, tears were not running, streaming down my face. I felt as though this woman had taken a knife, slit me open, ripped out my heart and then grabbed another knife and was just stabbing it with both fists.

(3:24 - 3:31)

I was gutted. Now, the reason this cut me so deeply is because I am my business. The business is me.

(3:32 - 3:34)

It's my heart. It's my soul. It's my vision.

(3:34 - 3:44)

It's what I live and breathe. It's my sole mission on this earth to reach as many women as I can and let us know it is time to take our power back. Stop giving your power away to food.

(3:44 - 4:03)

Stop feeling inadequate. Stop feeling like there's something wrong with you and step the fuck up. Take control of your own life and understand that the only person, well, here we go, the only person that has the power to change your life is you and it's not gonna happen by you sitting back and letting your own self be a victim of some bullshit conversations that mostly are happening in our own head.

(4:03 - 4:09)

Let's just keep that story with the girlfriend aside for a minute. We'll pop a little pin in that. We are always our own worst enemies first and foremost.

(4:09 - 4:19)

But then secondly, there's going to be women out there that are not gonna like the things that you're doing. So did this crush my confidence? Yeah, absolutely. It hit my self-esteem.

(4:19 - 4:36)

It literally made me question everything. And this is only because I really do love and appreciate this girl so much. So for her to say these things for me, somebody that I love and respect so much, I thought, what the hell is going on here? Is this true? Is this right? Am I a complete failure? Now, hold that thought for a minute.

(4:36 - 4:55)

This morning, I visited with a completely different girlfriend, someone that I've known since childhood, we've been besties forever and ever. And she, unprompted and unsolicited, started opening up because she's on her own weight loss journey and having her own struggles. And she started telling me how the content that she sees of mine online is completely changing her life.

(4:55 - 5:03)

She said it has helped her more than she could explain. It's changing how she thinks about herself. She's feeling stronger, steadier, more in control, and she's already lost two kilos in the last week.

(5:04 - 5:18)

Now, let's take a moment, two voices, the same work, the same woman, but two completely opposite viewpoints. And this made something very freaking clear to me. Every woman listening to this episode today is facing the same decision in their life.

(5:19 - 5:36)

Am I gonna move forward or am I gonna retreat? Am I gonna keep moving towards my vision and going for what I want and believing in myself, or am I going to run? My question to you today is who are you listening to? So babe, let's be really honest about this because the loudest voice in your life is never gonna be your friends. It's not your partner. It's not even social media.

(5:36 - 5:48)

It's you in your own mind. And most of you are letting that tantrum-throwing inner voice run the show. You know the one, it's the one that says, well, I want this, but I don't wanna have to do that to get it.

(5:48 - 5:55)

Or I wanna change, but I don't want any discomfort. I want results. I wanna lose weight, but there shouldn't have to be any cost to it.

(5:55 - 6:01)

I don't wanna have to pay a price. That is the same wicked little voice that is whispering, I'll start tomorrow. I'll start again on Monday.

(6:01 - 6:09)

Or here's the best one. Well, I know I shouldn't eat this, but girl, that's not intuitive eating. That's you negotiating with your future and your potential.

(6:10 - 6:19)

And negotiation, especially that type of negotiation, that is how self-betrayal starts. So let's look at this properly and name it for what it is. The enemy isn't food, never was.

(6:20 - 6:35)

The enemy is you and your broken ass promises. You're the one who is saying that you're gonna do something like start eating healthier, do better, make a plan, follow through, and then you don't fucking do it. And the best part is you move on like it doesn't even matter, like it doesn't affect your self-esteem, but of course it did.

(6:36 - 6:54)

The real damage isn't that you gained another five kilos while you were waiting to start again next Monday. The damage is the erosion that is caused to your self-respect and your self-trust. And over time, your nervous system is learning that you are just one BS liar and your word basically means nothing.

(6:54 - 6:59)

I wanted to say it in Greek there. A lot of my friends are Greek. Your word means dipota, nothing, it means nothing.

(6:59 - 7:11)

And when you don't trust your own word, then you don't feel like you're in control. You have no control over your own life because the person who is running your life is a shady ass liar. So now you feel reactive, you feel scattered.

(7:12 - 7:19)

Don't bring that food in the house. I can't control myself around food. Of course you can't, because you're not showing any self-respect or self-control around yourself at any time.

(7:20 - 7:32)

And you feel like you're constantly starting over. Food is just where this is showing up the fastest and the clearest, but this breakdown is happening all throughout your life. So let's take the new year, new me promises as an example.

(7:32 - 7:38)

Starting anything is easy. Starting is freaking fabulous. We all love a fresh start.

(7:38 - 7:51)

Starting is exciting because you've got the planning, you've got the fresh motivation and the new routines. You go out and buy yourself a cute little outfit for your workouts. Starting feels very powerful because nothing has actually been demanded of you yet.

(7:51 - 7:56)

But you know what's coming next? The doing. The doing is where we fall apart. The doing is where things get uncomfortable.

(7:57 - 8:00)

Why? Because doing is boring. It's not exciting. It's not exciting like planning.

(8:01 - 8:05)

Doing is boring. It's repetitive. Doing doesn't care how inspired you feel.

(8:05 - 8:11)

It just requires shit to be done. And this is where most women quit. Not because it's not working.

(8:11 - 8:27)

They quit purely because of the price of showing up. So for those of you that have already started and stopped five times this year, we're not even at the end of January, I wanna remind you, you're not stuck because you're confused and you don't know what to do. You're feeling stuck because you right now want all the rewards without the trade-offs.

(8:27 - 8:35)

You did your planning, love the planning. But now that we're in the doing zone, it's not so much fun anymore. So you've decided, yeah, well, I want the body and the confidence and the control.

(8:35 - 8:46)

I want all those things, but I don't wanna have to undergo any discomfort or boredom or repetition or any growing pains at all. Honey, that is literally not a thing. Not a thing.

(8:46 - 8:54)

That combination does not exist. Not in nature, not in business, not in relationships, and most certainly not in your body. That literally defies the law of reality.

(8:54 - 9:15)

If you're trying to become someone new without allowing and aligning to what that new person would be doing and growing into that, you're never going to become them. Right now, your inner self is throwing a tantrum and it's basically saying, I wanna lose weight and I don't wanna have to feel uncomfortable and I don't wanna feel bored and I don't wanna feel restricted. I don't want it all right now.

(9:15 - 9:28)

Well, honey, that is not a plan. That is a refusal for you to accept reality. And every single time that you get that feeling of discomfort, you're labeling that as some big-ass problem and I shouldn't be feeling like this.

(9:28 - 9:39)

Instead of recognizing it for what it is, it is nothing more than the price of you getting the things that you want in this life. Every single thing in life has a price. You hear me talk about this all the time.

(9:40 - 9:54)

You don't just get to walk into your local supermarket, load up your trolley with goods and chattels and then march on out of there without paying the price associated to those goods. It's not a punishment. You don't cry like you're going to the gallows when you have to pay for your cereal.

(9:54 - 10:07)

No, you understand that's the price of getting what you want. Well, weight loss has a price attached to it as well. It's called delayed gratification and boring-ass consistency, showing up when you don't feel like it, saying no to yourself sometimes.

(10:08 - 10:14)

That is the price tag. But instead of just accepting that as the cost, you start negotiating with it. Shouldn't feel like this.

(10:14 - 10:22)

I shouldn't have to pay this price. But the fact is, the price tag is still there dangling like on one of those swing tags. The price is still there.

(10:22 - 10:33)

It's not going to go away and it's not going to vanish just because you throw a little tanty. Now listen, I feel like I'm being awfully aggressive today after I was just gutted and had my heart ripped out over the last few days. I've been crying.

(10:34 - 10:44)

Listen, I was crying for two days. Like I was so hurt by what this girl said to me. Like truly, I don't want to pretend that everything is all roses and amazing in my world, but I still show up.

(10:44 - 10:54)

I show up. I could have said, I don't feel like doing this podcast and I don't feel like it. Who cares? Who cares? She told me my podcast is shit anyway, so what's the point? But no, this isn't about what I feel like doing.

(10:54 - 11:01)

This isn't about somebody's random ass opinion. This is about what I know I need to do because it's who I am. It's how I'm built.

(11:01 - 11:12)

It's what I'm made for. And if this is nothing more than me building stamina within myself so that I can endure even more challenging things in life, then that's good enough for me. I'm going to shut the fuck up because it's not about willpower.

(11:12 - 11:25)

This is about maturity. Child logic says, I don't like how this feels, so I'm not going to do it. But brave ass adult logic says, strong ass women logic says, this feels uncomfortable because I'm growing.

(11:26 - 11:35)

Of course, growth is abrasive. It rubs against who you've always been. You don't get to become the new, most amazing, highest, hottest version of yourself without any friction.

(11:36 - 12:01)

In fact, the friction is the evidence that you are becoming her. So honeys, the next time you feel that friction, like this is so annoying, I don't want to go for a walk today, or I don't want to stop eating at 80% like Kylie says, or I want to eat even though I'm not hungry and Kylie says that eating code number one says you should only eat when you're hungry and that when you do it, you should stop eating at 80% full, but I don't like that. Well, what you like or don't like is not really relevant in that moment.

(12:02 - 12:14)

Stop acting so surprised at the cost of the things that you want in life. You act shocked as if it shouldn't be this way, but if you're feeling that friction, you should get excited. You should know that this is exactly how it's supposed to be.

(12:14 - 12:28)

You don't need motivation. What you need is containment for your pushback responses and then just simply to remove the word tomorrow from your vocabulary altogether. Let your decisions replace any intentions that you have.

(12:28 - 12:41)

Well, I intended to do it. I intended to start next Monday or I intended to start yesterday, but then things came up and I don't feel and I don't like and I don't want. Well, how about I don't actually give a shit? Your standards are what is gonna make your decisions for you moving forward.

(12:41 - 12:47)

No more negotiating. If you're arguing with yourself, you've already let your authority go. You're gonna follow your plan, not your mood.

(12:47 - 13:03)

That is what grown-ass adults do. So honey, as we wrap this up today, I just want to remind you that discomfort that you're feeling every time you do start using the eating codes or you do start your healthy meal plan or whatever it is that you're doing, that's not a red flag, that's the receipt. That's you knowing that you're doing the right thing.

(13:03 - 13:12)

Those urges and those feelings that you feel that you're like, I wanna quit, I don't wanna do this, that's you going through the checkout. Keep going, pay the price. Don't turn around and throw a tantrum.

(13:12 - 13:41)

Because remember, those two girlfriends that I mentioned, both of them had opinions, but only one aligned with my vision for my life and my mission and what I know to be true for me. And that's the choice you get to make every single day. Which voice are you gonna follow? The one who throws the tantrum every time things get hard or the one who knows her vision, knows what's in her heart and knows that it was put there for a reason? Because the woman who gets what she wants out of life is not the one who never doubts, she's the one who doesn't quit.

(13:42 - 13:56)

Thank you so much for joining me here today. And as always, please remember, the only person who knows the power to change your life is you. When you step up, stop listening to random ass voices who have nothing to do with your vision, your mission and what you wanna achieve, that is truly when you've got what it takes.

(13:56 - 14:09)

I also just wanna thank you so much for spending this time here with me today. I know time is the most precious currency that we have and for you to spend it here with me really means a lot. So please go ahead, hit that subscribe button, make sure you never miss an episode and I cannot wait to see you again next week.

(14:09 - 14:22)

Until then gorgeous ones, bye for now. Thank you so much for tuning in. Remember to shimmy your butt over to KyliePax.com and join me inside of the bombshell blueprint so you can stop emotional eating and start losing your way now.

(14:23 - 14:31)

You'll also find helpful notes and resources inside my past podcast that will help you lose your way without losing your sanity. I will see you next week.