The Alter Ego Effect: Become Unrecognisable in 90 Days

What if the reason you're still stuck isn't that you lack motivation, discipline, or confidence...

What if it's because you're still making decisions as the old version of yourself?

In this episode, we're diving into one of the most powerful identity-shifting tools in psychology: the Alter Ego Effect.

The woman you want to become already exists. The question is: have you given her permission to take over?

In This Episode We Discuss:

• What an alter ego actually is and why it works

• Why your current identity is creating your current results

• The difference between your old self and your future self

• Main Character Energy vs Side Character Energy

• How to create an alter ego that feels real and believable

• Why clarity is the secret weapon of personal transformation

• The daily habits, standards and behaviours that shape identity

• Why imposter syndrome is often proof you're growing

• The simple question that can change every decision you make

• How to use your alter ego to make better choices around food, movement, relationships, boundaries, money and self-respect

Because transformation doesn't happen when you lose the weight. It happens when you become the woman who would naturally create those results.

The body follows the identity. The results follow the standards.

And your alter ego is the bridge between where you are now and who you're becoming.

If you loved this episode, remember to hit SUBSCRIBE.

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BOMBSHELL BLUEPRINT WEIGHT LOSS FOR EMOTIONAL EATERS

Transcript

Today's episode is taken from a live call inside of my signature program, The Bombshell Blueprint. If you want to know more about the blueprint or how once you get your little myths on it, you can finally stop sabotaging your progress and start losing weight, just head on over to kyliepax.com forward slash blueprint or hit the link in the show notes. What is up you gorgeous fabulous creatures and welcome to another week inside of the Bombshell Blueprint.

We have got another absolutely phenomenal live call today. I am wildly excited about this because I've had a few requests both from private clients and from non-private clients about eating code number four. So you know we've got four eating codes and the fourth one is to act like the person you want to become.

So we are heading into but like I've got a lot of comments coming through. Yes I've changed the hair color, we have changed, we are having an entire brand overhaul both for the Bombshell Blueprint and also for myself. I'm having an entire branding overhaul.

You will never see pink on me again. I don't want to see the color pink for the rest of my life. I feel like if I see one more thing that's pink I may very well have a conniption.

So yes we're doing our red wine burgundy. I don't even drink red wine but we're red wine burgundy deep deep grape color. This is what we're doing and it is fabulous.

We're in our villain era. This is like spicy girl season. That's the way I like to think of it and because of that I had to in order for me to do a complete overhaul of my persona, who I am, how I see myself, who I want to be moving forward into the second half of this year.

I had to come up with a persona to fit that because I wasn't like that. I was the dizzy pink girl with the dizzy pink hair and that's just who I was but I didn't want to be her anymore. I want to move into more of a badass era and season for myself and that's going to require some serious up leveling.

So as I decided that that's what I wanted to do, you know your girl loves a good Pinterest board. I love a mood board, some branding issues like that we have. So I jumped onto Pinterest and I thought right what would this diabolically fabulous version of me do? She would look a certain way.

She would carry herself a certain way. She would have certain type of vernacular that she would be using and others that she would not. She would just go rogue basically apart like from anything that would be regularly expected, it's all gone.

Pink nails are gone. Pink hair is gone like being pale and pasty looking completely gone. I am going dark all over like I'm heading into my darkest self and I'm digging around into the furthest reaches of myself to find the realest and juiciest parts that are savage and unhinged is what I'm going to say and that's what I'm bringing forward into the second half of this year.

She's going to be determined. She's going to be confident. She's going to be very clear on exactly what her goals are, who she wants to be, how she wants to live and then once we're clear on that, then I can figure out exactly what I need to do to make that happen and it all started with a little Pinterest board.

So we're going to talk today about you creating your own alter ego, a whole other version of yourself that you can step into and become. So how do we do it? How do we make it happen? How do we do it? How do we get started and how do we bring her to life to manifest or bring forth the most freaking fabulous version of yourself, the version of you that you've always wanted to be but quite frankly you didn't have the balls to be her. That's who I wanted to be.

I thought who is the version of me that I've always wanted to be but didn't have the balls to step into. So as we're getting ready to head into the second half of this year, let's talk about creating an alter ego that is going to activate everything that you want within you so that by the time this year ends, by the time Christmas is upon us and then we're heading into New Year's celebrations, you are in your hottest, highest, healthiest version of self. So let's dive into alter ego activation today.

I want you to think about we're going to stop acting like the woman that you were and start becoming the woman that you want to be. So think about it this way, honey, this life, not a dress rehearsal, not a dress rehearsal, my friend. We are stepping into bad energy.

So how do we create an alter ego that's going to change your life? Most of us think that as women, we have to be confident to do something. Well, I need to be confident enough to go to the gym. I need to be confident to wear that dress but confidence is the receipt.

It doesn't come first. It comes after you achieve the thing you want to achieve. Action is the purchase price of you getting confident.

You want to be confident, you're going to take the freaking action and you need to take it consistently. You need to take it every damn day. So today I'm going to show you how to create an alter ego using psychology, behavioral science and real world examples.

So by the end of today's call, you're going to have a name for your alter ego. You're going to have the decision making framework to be able to bring her to life. You're going to have some daily implementation steps, a confidence building system, plus a seven day challenge in order to take you on.

Now, this is why most women never actually become who they truly want to be. Research from psychologists at the Cornell University, I don't even know where that is. You girls should have done some research before where you start using some stats.

I mean, it sounds like it's in the UK if somebody wants to let me know, but it's probably in the US. They found that women were chronically overestimating how much other people notice them. Honey, you are just not that important.

That's what's called the spotlight effect. So the way that it works is that essentially as females, we all walk around feeling like everybody and everyone and everything is watching us. We think that they're judging us.

We think they're evaluating us. We think they're criticizing us. But meanwhile, they're all just busy getting about their own business.

They worry about themselves. They're thinking that you're looking at them and you're thinking they're looking at you and nobody's looking at fucking anybody. We are all just trying to live our best lives.

So the spotlight effect is what happens when you want to post a video, but you don't do it. Or you want to wear that certain dress, but you don't feel like you can pull that off. Or you don't start the gym because you think you have to look a certain way because what are people going to think? What are people going to say? Or, this is just the saddest one, where you know you damn well deserve the promotion, and you've watched them promote, usually males, time and time again above you, but you know that should have been yours.

But you say nothing. You just keep your little trap shut because what are they going to think? When a man kicks up a stink, he's just being forthright and getting what he deserves. When a woman does it, she's usually premenstrual or like they're hormonal, or there's always some put down to go with us.

No, we're not going to roll like that anymore. I want you from now on to ask yourself, if nobody was judging me for the next 90 days, I knew nobody was going to look at me, care about me, I was basically invisible, and nobody was going to pay any attention to me, what would I do? Write down the 10 answers that you come up with, because those answers are revealing the life that you really want, but right now you're avoiding. Basically, you're living as a side character in your own story, and you need and deserve to step into your main character energy.

So let's talk about the way confidence is earned, because it's actually the prize you get for being bold ass enough to take action, even when you don't feel confident. Confident is not how you start, it's how you finish. Confidence is how you feel after you complete the project, not how you feel before you start.

It's the signal that your brain gives you after you act. So nobody becomes confident by just thinking about the thing. They become confident by doing the thing repeatedly, and then their brain finally gets on board and has evidence that they can in fact do the thing.

So confidence is simply competence with the receipts. What do I mean by that? I mean we need to look at the competence-confidence loop, and yes, you can google it, it's actually a thing. So your brain thinks, and this is where most people get stuck, they think confidence is what leads to action.

But in actual fact, you take the action, shaking in your boots, well, let's just say shaking in your Louboutin boots, taking the action anyway, then you start getting semi-competent at it, and eventually that builds up your self-belief to the point of you now feeling confident. This is what psychologist Albert Bandura calls self-efficacy. That is where your belief in your ability to do something grows through your own personal successful experiences, not because of positive thinking, not because you sat around thinking a bunch of woo-woo affirmations, not because you did a vision board on Pinterest, no, it happens through your self-inflicted experience.

And like, think about the first time you drove a car, you were probably scared shitless, but the 500th time, the 5 millionth time, it's automatic, it's not a big deal. And why? Because competence creates confidence, not the other way around. You don't get confident and then become good at something, you get good at something and then you start feeling confident.

So how do we set this in motion? Think about choosing one thing that you've been avoiding, like, if it's me, it'd be going to the gym or even posting online, doing your meal planning, recording the videos that you know you want to record, just do it woman, do it, do it badly, do it crappily, it doesn't need to be perfect, but it does need to be done. Because confidence isn't built through perfection, it's built through your own repetition of doing something enough times that you figure it out, you fall, you slip, you stumble, you think, well, that shit didn't work, you try and pivot and you do it again and again and again until you realize, damn, I am actually good at this, I've figured out the perfect way. You know, they say practice makes perfect, mm-mm, honey, not a thing, but what it does do is it makes permanent, the brain builds neural pathways through your own repetition, that is what neuroplasticity is.

So the more you perform a behavior, the easier that behavior will become, whether it's for good or bad, honey, you can use your powers for good and evil, the more you repeat a particular identity, the more believable it becomes to your brain. So in this way, you could even say that people don't actually become confident, what they do is they become practice and then those practice people end up looking confident. It's not a fake it till you make it, they've just done it enough times that they feel like a badass and that they know their shit.

So here's what you can do, you can create a confidence repetition list. It would look like you speaking up maybe just one time at work or making the choice that you feel is a little difficult or hard, it could even be as simple as following your meal plan for the day. We talk about it inside of the blueprint all the time.

Number one thing is part of the eating codes are you follow your plan, not your mood. If you don't have a plan to follow, you're going to be following your mood. So make your meal plan each morning, breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks, that is your commitment, that is how you build confidence in yourself.

Self-trust is confidence as well. If you are just winging it every day and hoping that you're going to make great food choices, not a thing, honey, not a thing. You need to make a decision and a commitment that you can use to start building up self-trust as you keep your word to yourself through the day.

So do the things that you don't want to do. Take the walk when you don't want to do it. Go to the gym when it feels hard or it's cold and rainy outside.

Confidence is what you get when you repeat the action long enough that now you've stacked the receipts and got the proof. So let's look at some of the people that have successfully created alter egos and they've created them so well that you would actually know them almost as well as you know the person. So if I say to you, Sasha Fierce, most of you will know that's actually Beyonce.

Ziggy Stardust, we know was David Bowie. Slim Shady, come on people, please, if we don't know Slim Shady. Is his name the Slim Shady guy? Eminem, Eminem, Eminem, okay.

And then we've got Marilyn Monroe, who of course we all know was Norma Jean. Now these people created an alter ego to such a degree, to such a high level that we actually know their alter ego just as well as we know them. They gave their alter ego a name.

They dressed them a certain way. They gave them an attitude. They gave them a certain level of fearlessness and they used that persona to construct the life, the career, the success that they wanted.

So this is what we want to be doing. It's actually called self-distancing. The reason that it's so successful is because you feel as though you're acting a certain way, but you know mentally it's not really you.

So you feel this certain level of self-distancing or comfort in stepping into that persona. Whenever you step outside of your current identity, who you see yourself as right now, your decision-making capabilities improve, which means you have now the ability to stop acting so much from emotion and start acting from the standards of this new persona that you are developing. So you want to do this, the first thing you're going to do is come up with a name for her.

And let me tell you right now what she cannot be called. She cannot be called future you or the best version of myself or something like, no, no, no. She has to have an actual name.

She needs a real identity. When you were born, did your parents just call you baby girl? No, they gave you a name. So it could be, for example, and listen, these are really poor examples because this is what Jack came up with for me.

And I'm just like, honey, please, you could have tried a little harder. CEO Kylie or unrecognizable Kylie. I could use baddie Kylie.

I don't even want to use my actual name. If I'm going to create an alter ego, I want to come up with something completely different. I still haven't settled on a name for mine, but I know she's fierce.

I know she's definitely fierce. I feel like fierce would be in the name, a little like Sasha Fierce, but obviously we're not using that. And then the second thing you're going to do is you're going to create her.

And this is the fun part. What time does she wake up? What time does this badass wake up in the morning? What time does she go to bed at night? How does she eat? What are her standards like? What is she tolerating and what is she no longer accepting? How is she dressing? This is one of the things that was really big for me. As I've stepped into this new era for myself and this new version of me, I got rid of everything in my closet that was pink.

So if it was, in fact, if it was any other color outside of the three chosen colors that I have curated for myself, I will not wear it. It can get out of my life. So I have chosen three deeper, darker colors.

It's the complete opposite on the color wheel from where I was previously. So this time last year, I was in my pink era. It was a lot of brights, a lot of pink, purple, a lot of fun, maybe even some, I don't know, bright yellows and just actually quite gaudy.

It was very gaudy and audacious colors. Now that I look back, I am a little embarrassed, but that's okay because I'm stepping into a much more curated, higher level version of myself, which means I want a color palette that matches that. So now you can see I've got the colors of red wine.

That's what I'm wearing today. I have chosen a secondary color, which will be like the deepest navy blue, but not your average random navy blue. It's going to be a gorgeous navy blue.

The third color that I've chosen is almost like a teally green, but I'm yet to find that. And the things that my persona will be wearing is a lot of tight fitting, active wear that stretches and feels really good on her. Sexy as fuck is what I would say.

That's her vibe. If it's not sexy as fuck and showing off the figure that she's worked so hard to create, she won't be wearing it. She's not hiding under big jumpers.

She's not hiding under muumus. She's not doing that shit. And not only that, do I feel like I've got some perfect body and that's why I'm wearing this? No, I'm wearing it now, even though I don't have the perfect body because that's how I'm going to get the perfect body for me.

I'm going to get the perfect body for me by acting as if I already have that shit. So I need to understand fully what does she do? What does she not do? What does she do when she wants to do something or what does she do when she wants to eat something she knows that is not going to be in her highest interest to eat? What does she do when she doesn't want to eat something she knows she should be eating? What are her standards? You want to be writing, if possible, a full page. I would even incorporate whether you use chat or Claude, use somebody, use an AI tool to help you create her if you're getting stuck and you can't get started because I'm clearing out every single thing.

It's changing from the head down. So it's changing from hair colour. My lashes are now a lot finer.

I'm not doing the full blown caterpillar eyelashes anymore. Everything else is a little more toned down and muted. No bright fluorescent lipsticks.

The colour palette I've already told you about. The jewellery will be palettes of gold and a lot of gold, really. Not so much with the big gaudy crystals.

That's all going out the door. So that's your first and second step. The third step is to actually step into this person.

If it was a costume, if it was a dress, if it was a piece of clothing, you would put it on. You would see how it fits. Once you have it on, then you will decide whether you need a different size, whether you want to tweak something, what needs to be changed.

This is where most of us trip over. We create the alter ego, but then we either never use her or feel like we need to wait until we're at a certain level or a certain weight or a certain level of confidence before we can use her. Bull freaking shit.

No. Before every decision, what you're going to do is you're going to ask, what would she do? That badass version of me, what would she do? Not what would she feel like doing, but what would she actually do? Because those are two completely different questions. And then the fourth step is I want you to start collecting freaking receipts, babe.

The confidence is the evidence that you are now acting as her. So every night you're going to create a note. You can call it baddie receipts.

You can call it whatever you want, but you're going to tick it off. Did I follow my plan today? Did I do the things I said I was going to do? Did I say no to people who were trying to suck my energy? Those energy vampires, people who you know have no business even being in your world anymore. Did I walk away from the things that I know I should walk away from? Did I stop eating at 80% full? Did I go to bed at the time that I knew I needed to go to bed in order to get up at the time I wanted to get up the next morning? Research does show that when you track your progress like this, it increases your adherence rate because you are now looking at the visible proof of your own personal success.

So the people who persist the longest here are the ones who can see the visible evidence of their progress. That's what we need if we want to be stepping into the baddie energy formula that I'm about to give you now. Now, this is five steps actually.

It's not four steps. It's five steps and it all starts with clarity. If you're not clear on who this version of you is, then you won't be able to even move into the second step, which is taking action.

Third step is repeating the action until you want to vomit. It's not always going to feel good. You're not going to feel like it.

It will feel wildly and extremely uncomfortable. Honey, that's how you know you're doing the right thing. That's how you know you're doing the right thing.

The fourth step is stepping into the level of self-trust. That will come. That will come as you become more and more competent at repeating the things that your alter ego will do.

And then the last and final step, you've got to give it time, babe. You have to give it enough time that it sinks in and you start to be her without even needing to think twice about it. That's when confidence and belief mesh and you do become that badass version of you that you want to be.

Here's the vision board that I talked about. Now, if you're watching this, then you will see the vision board or the color palette theme or whatever it is that you want to call it. You will see it all here.

If you are listening to this, then you will not see it. However, it is the most gorgeous blend of red. It's not even red.

It's burgundy. It's wine. It's deep.

It's sexy. It's elevated. It's sophisticated.

And that's where we're at. When you are thinking about creating a vision board, whether you want to do it on Pinterest or you want to do the old style, how we used to do when I was younger, cutting things out of magazines or whatever it is that you want to do. And I know actually, I know there are probably a thousand apps now as well for this as well.

But a vision board isn't about manifesting like a new handbag or something that you think that you want. That's not how things come into your life. It's about creating a visual blueprint that you can follow, that your alter ego now has boundaries to live within.

So fill it with images that represent who she is, how she dresses, how she carries herself, how she spends her time. What does her level of health and wellness look like? How does she curate that? What are her relationships like? And what are the standards that she lives by? Is she a woman that doesn't wash her makeup off before she goes to bed? Or is she a woman that has a perfectly curated skincare routine and she adheres to it because she knows, and this is a fact, that women who do not wash their makeup off at night age six years faster than women who do. I'm just going to drop that out there for your information.

So after you get this vision board in place, then I want you to spend a few minutes each day looking at it and asking yourself, what would this version of me do today? Would she be sitting back, timid, afraid to ask for the things that she wants and her needs in life? No. The goal isn't for you to sit back and admire the freaking vision board. The goal is for you to use it as a decision-making tool until your real-life actions start matching up with the woman that you want to be.

That's the whole point of a vision board. It is not there for you to sit back and think how pretty that is that I spent a weekend doing that. Now, something that I do want to emphasize really strongly is that you will feel, as you start doing this, you will feel imposter syndrome.

If you don't feel imposter syndrome, you're not doing it right. I will say imposter syndrome is not the red light that you think it is. It's not the red flag like, oh my God, I need to stop.

I better stop doing this. I'm not doing it right. I'm not doing it correctly or I shouldn't be doing it at all.

If you're feeling imposter syndrome, you're actually doing it perfectly correctly. It's the green light. It's a green flag for you to go ahead.

Nobody feels like an imposter doing things that they've already mastered. That is ridiculous and not a thing. You are only going to experience imposter syndrome when you're stepping into something that is entirely new and you're growing and expanding and moving outside of your comfort zone.

What an amazing freaking thing that we have the ability to do this. That's what it's all about. So, the next time you step into this new version of you and give it a crack, the next time that imposter syndrome shows up, don't take it as a red flag.

See it as evidence that you are moving in the right direction. Your alter ego isn't sitting around waiting to feel ready. So, why are you? Your alter ego is already taking the action.

She's doing it because she knows she's a baddie and she deserves everything that she wants in life. So, now, instead of thinking, oh, maybe I don't belong here. Maybe I shouldn't be doing this.

Gee, I look stupid. People must be staring and laughing and judging. No.

Why don't you try thinking, okay, what if the fact that I feel this way is actually the proof that I do freaking belong here? And your alter ego, again, isn't sitting around and she's not going to wait for that fear to disappear. She's the one that's taking the action while the fear is still present. She just puts it to the back of the bus and she keeps on trucking.

So, think about the confidence timeline here. It moves in four stages. It starts with you taking action.

Confident women are fearless. Well, actually, no, let me put it this way. Confident women aren't fearless.

They're just taking the action regardless. The second thing that happens is you start building that confidence like we talked about. Your alter ego is acting while she's scared, while she's uncertain, while she's worried, while she's afraid.

They're acting while it feels uncomfortable. She's just doing it anyway. She's not letting those things stop her.

After you take the action and you start feeling a little more competent, then the levels of self-trust start to develop. You don't get confident and then trust yourself. You start trusting yourself and then that grabs hands with confidence.

And you start getting the confidence and the self-belief and you finally are stepping into that highest, hottest, best version of self that you've always known you deserve to be. You've always known that you had the capability to be, but you, like I said at the beginning, didn't have the balls to go after her. Most women, not the ones that are listening to this today, but most women are sitting around and waiting to become confident.

But the woman who changes their lives, those women, they're busy becoming competent. That's the difference. Every single time you choose your standards over your feelings, you're casting a vote for the woman that you want to become.

And that's what it's all about. You're either making a deposit in your self-belief and personal, your new persona bank account, or you're making a big ass withdrawal. One that's going to be so much harder for you to fill it up with deposits again, because every withdrawal, you pretty much are overdrawing on the account and sending yourself into the negative.

And we're just not going to roll like that anymore. I don't care how scared you are. I don't care how talentless you think you are.

I don't care how much of an imposter you feel like. This is your time to get up, get out there and start being the baddie that you know you deserve to be. So this week, what I want you to do is take the steps that were in today's masterclass, and you're going to implement them.

That is what your alter ego is doing. She's not sitting around waiting to feel better. She's not waiting around sitting to feel like it.

She is not waiting to feel more confident, more self-assured. She isn't. She knows that as she takes the action, the confidence and self-assurance will come.

That's the order that it rolls out in. So as always, I'm sending you love. And I'm so grateful to everybody that popped in today.

For those that are commenting on the new persona, yeah, she's a baddie. She is a baddie. And I make no apologies for it.

I really, really would love to have the long nails, but also I don't enjoy functioning with long nails. So we are in our short nail, but dark ass nail era. Everything is going to be dark and dangerous this year.

Everything is dark and dangerous. So honeys, if you have any questions, of course, as always, any questions, send them through. You can either send them through via my pocket coach.

You can find me over on Insta and we can chat over there. But as always, I'm sending you tremendous amounts of love. Please remember, the only person who has the freaking power to change your life is you.

When you step up and decide that you do deserve everything you've ever dreamed of having, not only do you deserve it, you're worthy of it. Not only are you deserving and worthy, but you're capable of achieving it. The end, you take the action regardless of the fear that you feel.

That is when you've got what it takes. I am sending you tremendous amounts of love. Can't wait to see you again next week.

Until then, gorgeous ones, bye for now. Thank you so much for tuning in. Remember to shimmy your bar over to KyliePax.com and join me inside of the bombshell blueprint so you can stop emotional eating and start losing your way now.

You'll also find helpful notes and resources inside my past podcast that will help you lose your way without losing your sanity. I will see you next week.